if we were lying the entire time, that means you were lying to me while I was lying to him, then where does the truth of my feelings belong? in the back of some drawer where you shove all of the miscellaneous papers and feelings that you want to forget about? is that the only place you care to fit me, dark and suffocating in come corner, lint balls, broken CDs, pins from a long ago discarded bag -- and me? and what if I've still got you in the center of all things, making circles in the air, ...

godDAMN, where you at? and I'm drawing you pictures of penguins, fat little bellies, white surrounded by black, and your name on a fish hanging from their mouths, from mouths you'll never see fucking sure you'll never feed these starving little babies made of my love, my creation (it borders on obsession), and for you I swing and break them (you laugh and fucking play them). my FIST meets your lips - it sounds almost Freudian - and the blood starts to come, then I'm on my knees begging please...

if my heart was nothing and I knew and I know it's nothing because you never gave it a second thought during your indiscretions, if I were the wasteful longing for you that I feel at night, wrapped up tight in my blankets, warm and solitary and wishing that you could be the beautiful person I dreamed up the beautiful person I loved and not the hideous reality you've shown me if hair dye and eyeliner and chili fries could hide some reality I'd drown in your essence: bongrips and blowjobs--and ...

i really hope that this nausea isn't a sign of pregnancy

you pathetic vicious vacillating ambiguous fucking cunt. don't blame me for your feelings or behavior. I have never done anything but try to be nice to you and try to be there for you. you hate _____ because of me? fuck you. you hate because of yourself and because you hate yourself and because you can't deal with what you are. fine fine fine. denial craziness. let's go suck some cock together!!! you wanna--oh wait, that would require talking to me. um...that won't work. you don't need friend...

turning off of Laurel Canyon, I notice that my hands are beginning to shake a little, and that I'm getting that dry feeling in the back of my throat. I pass the schools and Mexican eateries, the shrubs, and ranch houses. on your block, the vatos ride bicycles at one in the morning, bald-headed and in their white t-shirts, khaki Dickies. they would give me a funny look if they saw us together. if I drive further, down Van Nuys, and pass your street, pass the pool hall that always let me know w...

Baybee, jou make my heart beat true. I lub jou baybee, I really do! All I can do is think of jou In the day and nighttime too! Oh girl, jou made of diamonds and pearls And I want to take jou around the world, And I want to kiss jou up and down And I want to love jou around and round. Yeah, baybee, when I see jou glow In the frost and in the snow, I know that I could never go, Because jou have my heart, jou know. Jou are so fine, jou tetas bounce And jou are so perfect ounce for ounce. When I ...

she told me to move on that sometimes things are at an end and that's it i told her that she was right because she was and i knew that she wanted nothing more with me but still i find that i lay in bed at night unable to sleep and think and still i find that i long for something that i never actually had and something that i shyly grasped scared to consume i wanted to engulf her completely and taste her and love her entirely but she wanted only to take from me everything that she could everyt...

you have broken me completely i don't even know what to do with myself anymore funny how you, in all your imperfection, turned into my goddess while i turned into your bane from your crying and running to your carelessness and fellatio to using me in the backseat of my father's suv and now you're going to have a baby with some guy who i'm sure doesn't love you-- at least not the way i do but that ceased to matter to you long, long ago i ceased to matter to you

What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? "I just want love." That's not true. Stop lying. You've had people who wanted to offer you love--well, affection at the least--Alan, Chris, Wayne (well, he probably mostly wanted to offer you his cock, which he did--hell they all did--congrats, skank!)--and you rejected it, so tell me honestly, what do you want? The unattainable? The perfect? "No, I don't want perfection. I've never tried to obtain perfection--at least not from anyone else...