Foster's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: Wallkill, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 20
LOC: Wallkill, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 20
I was an English Major with a Creative Writing Minor in the SUNY system. I’m taking a stab at some dreams (acting, modeling, writing) before potentially biting the bullet to pursue my Masters in the same and proliferating the cause. I believe in honest reviewing and appreciate the reciprocation of such. I will tell you what I like, what I think needs work, some technical errors (if found) and provide a fairly critical review that I hope will be constructive. I’m here to improve and I appreciate what help I can get.
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
3 Comments
Love is only two parts joy.
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Version 1
12 Reviews
9 Comments
State of Depression It's true. We're here because we also fell. First into love, then down into despair Where razor sharp rocks stripped our fingers bare. On blood soaked walls we slid down into hell; Our pain could not be confined to a cell. Few dare to travel so far beneath care, Afraid of breaking, stumbling from up there To the end of the rope hung in this well. There are two choices left for we this deep: One to wait here and hope, the other, sleep. The ropes are tattered, frayed thread...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
12 Reviews
9 Comments
You've taken it upon yourself to die, For a passionless life is none at all, And everyone who knows you asks you why. Do you decide to fail before you try, Ignoring the sweet dreams your heart hears call? You've taken it upon yourself to die. None too quickly creeps close the day you'll lie Down into the ground with your final fall When everyone who knows you asks you why. In unison the world will hear the cry Of all who would have loved you better bawl; "Why'd you take it upon yourself to di...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
11 Reviews
2 Comments
Inflated floating fallacies, Fought from friends and family Left loafing languidly In a corner by the chair, Within weeks wasted, withering, Wilting for want of wisdom won, Breath-birthed, banishment begun, Ignorance issued air. Have hastened heated hearts, Hallowed, hovering heavenward, Succumbed in silence? It’s absurd, To find they’re lying there! Dreams drifting dawn to dusk, Duress directs them down to dust Where atrophy does as it must; Though, it surely isn’t fair.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
12 Reviews
8 Comments
I The descent down Church Hill is lined with trees. With their limbs stretched up to heaven in praise They form a cathedral roof with a maze Of boughs intertwined to catch the disease That falls from the firmament to appease The lusts of earthly thirsting hearts ablaze As though the balm of rain would aptly raze This passion that would incinerate seas. Yet do I love without reason or rhyme! In fact, all stands against this blaze to try To extinguish it with tears and a sigh Before all is engu...
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Reviews
I think you mean "distant" in line one. Also, semi-colons " ; " are used to join two relating complete sentences. Yours are missing verbs in the foremost clauses for the most part and should be one sentence. At other times you abandon punctuation altogether, so consistency would improve the readability of the piece as a whole otherwise, it's solid imagery and a good relatable narrative.
ABAB rhyme-schemed four-line stanzas without any encompassing form to rein them in make for a sort of sing-song refrain type rhythm that is hard to hold on to in the end. Or so I find. I like the theme and think the subject matter could be formed into a great sonnet or some such should you wish to play with it a little more. Cheers. - Foster
Perhaps it's the formatting, but this seems like an awkward read. There are elements of the story that are a little jumbled and disorienting. You could pare it down a little more if it needs to be shorter. This is probably too late in coming, but if the contest is specific to the subject matter I think it was put together well enough to waylay the climactic confession until the end and take your reader by surprise. The conclusion is a little hurried, if not wholly inconclusive, and if you suc...
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