Fhilidh's profile
AGE:
38
LOC: Mission Viejo, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 11
LOC: Mission Viejo, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 11
What to say, what to say….I’m just here to throw stuff against the wall and see if it sticks or falls off and lands in a steamy heap.
Items
Version 1
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Bitter cold is the heart deceived by frigidness first conceived With expecations never met The heart must settle for regret
Version 2
1 Review
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It was dusk, the time before times after daylight and before darkness, surreal like you. Your silhouette cast before the blinding sunset-painted solitude and destroyed a childhood of loneliness in the fiery hue of a white picket fenced instant. In a halo of fire you came bearing presence. The stories were true you had come. Transfixed, I worshiped you with eyes too young to know better, a welcome reserved for heroes not cowards. The glory of your coming filled my heart with wonder; so many q...
Version 4
5 Reviews
1 Comment
As he strolled down the lane Henry’s eyes darted back and forth. All the houses on Philadelphia Street looked different than they were back then, but then again fifteen years is a long time and he wanted to remember her as she was, not as she is now; cold, but with an artificial warmth in a pillowed coffin. "Death only wins when you stop remembering." He said to himself quietly. As he walked slowly down the shady...
Version 3
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As he strolled down the lane Henry’s eyes darted back and forth. All the houses on Philadelphia Street looked different than they were back then, but then again fifteen years is a long time and he wanted to remember her as she was, not as she is now; cold, but with an artificial warmth in a pillowed coffin. "Death only wins when you stop remembering." He said to himself quietly. As he walked slowly down the shady...
Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
The citizenry grown as fat as hogs communicate with nothing to say soccer moms who never played soccer themselves, fed snacks, feed snacks in a silent, grotesque play. They pile in minivans with bumper stickers that add the score: 2 girls, 1 boy, license plates meant to differentiate, ironically display the sameness they employ. Some have discovered the danger of safety in numbers and ask, “Where does one individual start and the other end?” Then for safety’s sake tell themselves, “To fit in ...
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Reviews
I like the ending a lot better than the beginning. The first part is slow or (maybe slow is not the best description) written in a different format than the second part where the character begins to mutilate himself. The second part reads much more surreal than the first part. If this was my piece I would add surreal elements to the first part as well to make it flow better. I thought the second part was very creative though and worth noting.
This is pretty good stuff. I would foreshadow the climax a little more though if this was my piece. I would add some paranoia or (if the character is a sociopath) delusions of grandeur. Or you can use both and give the reader the understanding that the character is tormented by the fact that he is both paranoid yet delusional about being to smart to get caught, but at the same time tired of being both and therefore wanting to get caught. I like the storyline so far though. Very Creative.
I think that the theme you were trying to get accross does resound in the theme of the struggles of all living creatures. What an excellent contrast of human and insect. This piece makes the reader (or at least) me wonder about the vastness of large things such as the universe or the idea of God compared with the minor and often difficult struggles I face every day that when the camera of human existance is pulled back to reveal the panorama of all that exists it makes me feel humble as well ...
The first two stanzas are perfectly made, but the second two seem to unravel slightly with the rhymes lament/dissent and deprivation/reconciliation. Its not that those words aren't appropriate, it just does not flow as well and does not seem quite as endearing as the first two stanzas. I think the overall theme is great and powerful though. This is one of the best poems I've seen on here as far as its emotional punch. Great poetry should pack an emotional punch and "transfer" the original emo...
I must admit my ignorance to Islamic history which is why the theme of this poem is not clear to me. The message I get from the words however seems contradictory. In particular the lines ---> In the name of Allah, the beneficent, the merciful,'Surely our enemies shall be without posterity.' It seems to me that the message of this poem says on the one hand that affliction is only possible or allowed by Allah giving God full control yet in the end the attributes of the newborn and quasi-prop...
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