FengRuiBai's profile

Ok. I think you start this chapter very well. Lots of description and backstory. The tense of the chapter is fluent. The chapter seems to have alot of words like 'was' indicating past tense. Though it does work, I wonder you mean to have this story setting more in the moment, present tense like chapter 21. I notice you are very much more into Angel's and thoughts. I like that, now that I am actually reading from the beginning, that Angel is a vocal point from the beginning.(Thus, now I know y...

I indeed love the way you write, but I do see some places that need to be touched up. For example, "but he honestly hadn’t noticed a single other woman in the room tonight—not whose tits were best displayed in a low-cut dress, the longest legs which he could usually feel already wrapped around him, or which had just that certain look in her eye that matched his mood for the evening." I notice a switch in tenses which I do not think you meant. I notice you do this through out the chapter. Also...

I really enjoyed every season. I'd say you hit it pretty good. You sticked to the 757 rule, and have captured me as a reader and writer. Good work.

I like to call this poetic prose. It is a form of poetry that deals with paragraphs. There are some grammical and punctuation mistakes. Honestly, even though I hate usuing comas in poetry, it is necessary in prose to know whether or not to use comas, and, sorry to say, semi-colons. But I honestly enjoyed reading this piece. Great job.

I really like this piece of flash fiction. I does what it is suppose to. One thing though. He hoped that under the concrete the body would not start to smell. He hopes the body under the concrete would not create a noticable aroma. Or He prays the body would not create a stench under the newly placed concrete floor. Or whatever you wish. Just make sure you keep in present tense. I is hoping in the moment of now. He just said he was done a few seconds before. Other than my advice, great piece.