Feign's profile

Feign avatar
AGE: 26
LOC: Lewisville, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 04

i like the darker side of things.

I am not an elites and I am looking to find how to improve my poetry.

I give honest opinions and I like receiving honest opinions.

Sorry in advance for offending anyone, cause you know there are a few people out there that get butt hurt easily. It happens even to me =P.

Remember people its not personal _

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews   4 Comments
But it was not so inconceivable you approached me I saw you like a setting sun Not so unscathed from nostalgia you fell somewhere in between the twilight so I held my breath and I searched for you amongst its myriad colors otherwise unseen until I found you in quiet dark adhered to a symmetrical pattern it was never unmarred your name did you no good but it was you Don't move from now on there's nothing I was soon taking you off to bed I was soon taking you off I held my breath Did no one rea...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
2 Reviews   2 Comments
Lets just be honest you elude the situation with familiarity with a charming smile [we're all smiling with you] No one can conclude who you are but I've come to        I've come into my own Take a moment lets just be honest lets just be honest [for once away from all others] not everyone sees this side of you You've been mistaken,      I've been mistaking You weren't the one that chose such a clean pose but we're all happy [aren't we?  &n...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
2 Reviews   4 Comments
I watched as you put on your mask too worn to actually hide anything only one of us needed to be fooled and you spoke to me soft tongued through the steady hum of wires feint static that still whispers in my ear and with clever hands you traced the seams of my heart until you finally found a loose string
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
2 Reviews   2 Comments
Finding something new to feel among melodies and someone else's point of view you have nothing new to say but I still linger at the corner of your smile I've lost taste I've lost taste I could have lied to make things better bled this out softly to where you wouldn't have noticed But you're clever in your style find yourself a name as I wane into one existence Your words hang on me like a dream and I'm still the same I'm still the same No taste No name
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
8 Reviews   11 Comments
Halos hang as fixtures over my Sunday morning bed a dismal reminder of a common innocence we both once shared Atoning we press our lips against cold wooden crosses but my soul is a coffin entombing this remorse His stone is cold and the earth has not yet settled the western sun pushes gently on my back its touch slowly sinking with me into the ground and here I sit casting shadows far bigger than I could ever hide in the dusty shoebox under my bed
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Poetry / The Food We Eat
AWESOME! I agree with the idea. Food tastes weird to me. I can taste the chemical after taste and when I mention it people just look at me like I'M weird =/. I had to read it a few times to find some flow, but that could just be me.
Poetry / Empty
I think I like the idea behind this more than how you portrayed it. A bit too cliche here and there.The most interesting lines to me was L5-7. If you are going to rhyme you should have a lot more structure to it, otherwise it's just sloppy. L9- Cannot is one word. And the last line, something unsettling in you just sounds odd. Maybe taking out the "in".
Poetry / Quenching
I think that you sacrificed quality here for rhyme. More so, if you have rhyme, meter almost always goes hand in hand with that. It just doesn't flow. Conveying the message of Jesus Christ can be a thin line. I love myself some Jesus, but this piece feels empty to me.=/ L1- "upon" is not correct here. L2- Very cliche, the image of a shattered dream or broken dream is overused. L5- Most pain is unwanted... so is unwanted really a necessary word? L10- The wording is so awkward here. L12-"to ope...
It's very cute. Comical. I'm not a fan of rhyme, but you really can't get better than this.
Poetry / But Sky in Lake
I am not sure why you have such awkward spaces between some of the words here. Personally I think this has great potential you just need to clean it up some. like MAYBE: I saw the sky in the lake It moved like art slow an all could storm milky winter behind my soft lick above the girl soaking ...... etc etc Not that that made it any better. But you just have to play with it until it comes together completely.