I enjoyed reading the recap, it got me interested in the story and held my attention. Inevitably fantasy stories are going to be compared with greats and because of that I'd certainly think about changing referal to Mikell as a ranger. As he's also known as 'the king who refused his crown' is smacks of Aragon, LOTR, which may distract the reader from your story with constant comparisons. '“How’d you sleep?”' sounds too everyday reality. I just have it in my head that this type of alternate re...

I'm not an expert on poetry but the title interested me. I'd say that while I enjoyed many of the thoughts and imagery (esp. hanglider punishing the sky or the sting of death in the scenic peace of the countryside) I felt all the way through that, although honest and from the heart it was a rather jumbled collection of thoughts that seemed to lack some structure. I don't know if there are stanzas and the formatting got meesed up when uploading, but I believe the piece could benefit from this ...

It was all beautifully written apart from 'clundering' which must be a typo? I was reading this not only to review but to get inspiration too. While I thought the pairs (Primus and Secundus, Tori nd Mooncalf, Alex and Yena) worked well here I think there was something missing in the linking of these pairs. Firstly, I couldn't picture Mooncalf in a threesome with Alex and Yena, which was maybe just Tori's twisted perspective of him. Primus and Secundus gave us an amusing introduction to Tori b...

Considering aggressive pricing in the market it's very topical, which is the big plus. Against that is: 'Is it really the soul of the writer on sale?' Some writers, I'd say, write from the soul but not usually those that feature on the bestseller/price slashing list (which is no slur on bestsellers!)

Some spelling/grammar mistakes: pictureing > picturing along side > alongside alon; > alone some sign > a sign or some signs I liked the idea overall but found a couple of lines that interrupted the flow: 'The young and shining prince never returned, But a demon returned in the shape of the prince' the repetition of 'returned' and 'prince' makes these two line clunky, how about something like: But a demon came in his place? During the reading there were a lot of sweeping statement...

I'm having a problem visualising a row like a tower. Rows of towers I can do but would there be enough room on his desk? Grammatically the sentence should read '...but mostly because he had promised to meet...' '...incapable of fighting back.' In general the is some over-description used such as with the rain (feeble fireflies) and the street scene as he leaves the office (canine blues of despair). I would ask myself, 'Does this add to the atmosphere or reflect the emotions?' I thought Walter...

'...no qualms sending...' using 'to' infinitive instead of gerund (in other places too) Seldom is an adverb of frequency, so you can't use it here. how about: Almost no-one knew of it... ...which were, as most of the girls stated, [] far more disgusting... you had an extra was in this excerpt and commas could be used for the extra info. At the beginning of the 10th paragraph the sentence doesn't make sense, too many commas used and the individual clauses don't work. '...he seldom could contro...

I'd change the first line to: 'Silently and with no opposition the water flowed...' To softly grab seems like a contradiction, I'd change one or the other. Shorten this sentence, further expalnation isn't necessary: 'It meant something.' Add a linking word to read smoother: '...what it was, although she had been...' Does she have one eye or is that a typo? It's quite nice and briefly introduces the characters, but it's very short and not really dramatic enough for a prologue to really grab th...

My only comment is that in the first paragraph you haven't specified what makes your work unique or different to the others mentioned. Otherwise I found it to fulfill all the criteria and seem an interesting story. Good luck.

The question tag '...I passed down to you, no?' Isn't correct English but is commonly used by foreigners whose languages uses this tag. Was Vincent's father born in the US, does he have family from outside the US? If so, is this fact relevant to the development of the story? From the first paragraphs of this section I suppose that Vincent's father treats his son as a subordiate at work and with coldness and sarcasm. He's a man not to be questioned. One point about the father and mother is tha...