Fazzerelli's profile
AGE:
44
LOC: Czech Republic
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 20
LOC: Czech Republic
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 20
I work in the book distribution business and have been a passionate reader all my life probably because I’ m a dreamer and an escapist.
Since the birth of my son I’ve been inspired to start writing a children’s book, although for older children, and I hope it’ll be the first of many. I’d love to have my book(s) published, but that is in the future. At the moment I’m completing the first draft of my as yet untitled story.
I’m also a music lover, mainly electronic oriented but more recently I listen for the lyrics to speak to me more.
After my time spent in party production and starting up a record label (no longer involved, but check out www.redsalamanda.com) and being a bit of an anti-talent at music I started writing bits of p…
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Version 3
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Born, learn, try Succeed / fail*, die
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Version 1
6 Reviews
2 Comments
There was a dog barking wildly in the distance and Peter froze in the shadows as slowly, but surely the yowling, barking and yapping passed from house to house, estate to estate, and, with the occasional farmhouse or holiday home filling in the gap, from village to village.This particular residence didn't have a dog, at least as far as Peter had managed to establish, but in any case, as a precaution, he remained still and silent until the dogs he had heard had reluctantly returned to kennels ...
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Version 1
11 Reviews
13 Comments
Chapter One – Two Tearooms The evening had, of course, begun altogether differently as must be the case when stories concern unexpected turns of events. As Arnold Jeany sat in the familiar surroundings of the tearoom, which he’d been visiting on a regular basis for several months now, absorbing the ethnic music and letting the aromas carry him to exotic climes he could’ve sworn he wasn’t dreaming, hadn’t closed his eyes even, when through the door appeared two very bizzare figures. Despite th...
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Version 1
7 Reviews
4 Comments
She was a pretty little thing with a slim lightly bronzed figure, chestnut hair, deep hazel eyes to match and lush kissable lips that had swelled and split, liberally spilling their dark sticky contents, at the slightest of blows. Now, no longer crying out, she hung limply from the headlock as a final blow, accompanied by a satisfied grunt of completion, connected with her cheek. There was a moment of silence, still and calm, as even the bus had pulled up to a halt allowing a line of frustrat...
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The question tag '...I passed down to you, no?' Isn't correct English but is commonly used by foreigners whose languages uses this tag. Was Vincent's father born in the US, does he have family from outside the US? If so, is this fact relevant to the development of the story? From the first paragraphs of this section I suppose that Vincent's father treats his son as a subordiate at work and with coldness and sarcasm. He's a man not to be questioned. One point about the father and mother is tha...
My only comment is that in the first paragraph you haven't specified what makes your work unique or different to the others mentioned. Otherwise I found it to fulfill all the criteria and seem an interesting story. Good luck.
I'd change the first line to: 'Silently and with no opposition the water flowed...' To softly grab seems like a contradiction, I'd change one or the other. Shorten this sentence, further expalnation isn't necessary: 'It meant something.' Add a linking word to read smoother: '...what it was, although she had been...' Does she have one eye or is that a typo? It's quite nice and briefly introduces the characters, but it's very short and not really dramatic enough for a prologue to really grab th...
'...no qualms sending...' using 'to' infinitive instead of gerund (in other places too) Seldom is an adverb of frequency, so you can't use it here. how about: Almost no-one knew of it... ...which were, as most of the girls stated, [] far more disgusting... you had an extra was in this excerpt and commas could be used for the extra info. At the beginning of the 10th paragraph the sentence doesn't make sense, too many commas used and the individual clauses don't work. '...he seldom could contro...
I'm having a problem visualising a row like a tower. Rows of towers I can do but would there be enough room on his desk? Grammatically the sentence should read '...but mostly because he had promised to meet...' '...incapable of fighting back.' In general the is some over-description used such as with the rain (feeble fireflies) and the street scene as he leaves the office (canine blues of despair). I would ask myself, 'Does this add to the atmosphere or reflect the emotions?' I thought Walter...
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