EricFendall's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: Grand Ronde, OR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 07
LOC: Grand Ronde, OR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 07
Talkin about yourself too much is something strippers do.
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Black coffee drips silently through the cracks in fried neural connections. Bringing to life dormant axion terminals, dormant for a reason. Hip-hop resonates subversively. Watch the sounds and echoes dance across the cerebral landscape. Take a step back as echoes increase violently. Shaking walls and threatening to hurl phantoms from once locked and padded rooms. Truth melts white hot through the porous membrane of my skull.
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Questions we ask, answers we seek. We are lost on the path, alone, humble and meek. Aimless we are, compass is broken. Should ask for directions, yet the words remain unspoken. Questions we ask, answers we seek. Blind we are not, don't believe us so weak. For the truthe we will find, no matter how deep. Reality we will discover, this promise I keep. Deftly we struggle, against all your might. Righteous we are, as you run from the light. You fear us now, fear us forever. For you thought you ha...
Version 1
18 Reviews
0 Comments
White, straight and gleaming. False teeth smiling vapidly through collagen induced lips. A hallow handshake echoes through two cavernous souls. Looking finally through window-like eyes into, the desolation of our prostituted lives. Prozac produced pleasure eating at our sanity. Suddenly, Evil truths extinguish the flame of mental opiates. As a book of dreams and delusions is burnt, replaced by pages still yet blank. A godless mind blinks at the brightness of its' own burning bush, no longer s...
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Reviews
Outstanding. I enjoyed the chapter composition in the jump back and forth between. The only thing I would have liked a little more would have been a better description of Jill and why he is so in love with her. Add that and I'd say it was nearly perfect.
Pretty damn powerful! When she starts crying "they" should fall not "the". I like the passage of time and structure, works well.
Deleted Item
Love it. Great imagery in the first part. However, I don't like the term pixalated universe. It seems too modern a term to evoke the image and emotion your going for. Also you "eye that knows no closing,....nor closes" It's redundant and flows poorly. Well done!
I like it except "bulletproof invulnerability." I feel that phrase is redundant and flows poorly.
Nice. I don't like the line "you however haunt me with your intellect. The however is unnecessary. It's much more powerful as perhaps "still u haunt me." Remove the yet before it as well. I think many of your sentences have excess words that remove much of the impact. Besides that very powerful and complex.
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