I like where this seems to be going. It sort of reminds me of Pirates of the Carribean but that maybe just me. If it is one of your inspiration points just make sure not to use the hype as fuel because that dies down quick. Overall I think it's good. It's not all 'Arrr walk the plank u scurvy cur' which is a super good thing. One thing to watch is the grammar. Great Job

Nano-tech and modified humans? Definitely kept me interested. There were a lot of terms in there, i'm assuming military-related, that I didn't really know until some later explanation. Some of it is still a mystery. Maybe consider going back and clearing things up a bit. It's clear you know what you're talking about but the question is does the reader know what they're reading. This is a great work of science fiction; i bet if you expanded it into a full blown novel (maybe even a series?) you...

First off I have to applaud you for talking about this issue. The part that really sold me was when you mentioned the 6 year old asking if she's fat because theres a little girl that comes into my job all the time and all the employees know her and she told me she was on a diet because her mom says she's fat. You definitely have a way of taking a real issue and making someone want to read more about it and maybe even take up the cause. You should really give journalism a consideration.