EJWords's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Wichita, KS
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 04
LOC: Wichita, KS
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 04
Just a teenager in Kansas who can’t live without a pen and a pad. The realm of Fiction is my playground. I’m a fan of Anti-Heros who struggle with accepting their role in life. Also I’m working on a trilogy that I will post at a later time. It’s fairly simple but its an alternate reality to this one. I’m getting more nad more into supernatural fiction and I have a habit of using religious references.
Items
Version 1
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So its day 2 of a trip to houston and I want nothing more than to find a best buy and get the Heroes soundtrack. Why, you may ask. Well I love the show. Simple as that and I'm excited about the scores on the CD as well as some bands I have heard of but never really listened to. I have a migraine that's fading in and out and is getting really annoying. The excedrin helps but I'm afraid to take anymore (I'd prefer to keep living).
Version 2
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Chapter One The body lay cold on the ground. The body was that of a young woman, blond hair strewn about her face, hair fogged over blue eyes gazing upwards at the full moon. There was a gaping wound in her stomach that had caused her death. A puddle of crimson liquid had formed around her. Knelt down beside her was Archie Thommavongsa, assistant medical examiner for Jericho P.D. Around the lifeless body, red, white, and blue lights whirled, lighting the late night gloom. Yellow tape went up,...
Version 1
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Chapter One- Alpha ~Twelve years ago~ A group of ten, five boys and five girls, stood at attention in a bare concrete room, all of them in their normal, drab grey sweat pants and t-shirts. Their heads were shaved and their expressions blank. In front of them, their instructor watched them with scrutinizing eyes, watching for any sign of weakness. “First sequence,” He ordered in a clipped tone. In response, the children went through a cadence of punches, kicks, blocks, and jumps. “At ease,” th...
Version 2
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Prologue Evolution is a slow and gradual process, often taking millions years. It brought mammals to power while the dinosaurs froze. It took mankind as four-legged simple primates and over millions of years, changed him into something more than his primate cousins. Man began to walk upright, learned to use tools, learned to survive in the world. As a species, man learned to harness the power of its greatest weapon: the human brain. With it, mankind rose from prey to predator, taking its plac...
Version 1
2 Reviews
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Prologue- Genesis Evolution is a slow and gradual process, often taking millions years. It brought mammals to power while the dinosaurs froze. It took mankind as four-legged simple primates and over millions of years, changed him into something more than his primate cousins. Man began to walk upright, learned to use tools, learned to survive in the world. As a species, man learned to harness the power of its greatest weapon: the human brain. With it, mankind rose from prey to predator, taking...
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Reviews
First off I have to applaud you for talking about this issue. The part that really sold me was when you mentioned the 6 year old asking if she's fat because theres a little girl that comes into my job all the time and all the employees know her and she told me she was on a diet because her mom says she's fat. You definitely have a way of taking a real issue and making someone want to read more about it and maybe even take up the cause. You should really give journalism a consideration.
Nano-tech and modified humans? Definitely kept me interested. There were a lot of terms in there, i'm assuming military-related, that I didn't really know until some later explanation. Some of it is still a mystery. Maybe consider going back and clearing things up a bit. It's clear you know what you're talking about but the question is does the reader know what they're reading. This is a great work of science fiction; i bet if you expanded it into a full blown novel (maybe even a series?) you...
I like where this seems to be going. It sort of reminds me of Pirates of the Carribean but that maybe just me. If it is one of your inspiration points just make sure not to use the hype as fuel because that dies down quick. Overall I think it's good. It's not all 'Arrr walk the plank u scurvy cur' which is a super good thing. One thing to watch is the grammar. Great Job
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