EAnonymous's profile

This is quite a lovely story. The dialogue, pacing and charachters are all done well. Just some minor proofreading errors, but there are a lot of them... "her sister, Laney" -> no comma "hefted the bucket’s" -> no apostrophe "in here she told her sister, Laney.”" -> in here," she told Laney. (you already explained that Laney was her sister) "that It" -> capital? "mama" -> should be capitalized when used as a name "would as usual take out her frustrations" -> I'd cut 'as usua...

"!!!" - I like it. Funny. :) "And then they dulled, and ..." -> I'd remove the first 'And'. "Distracted by his emotion, he snatched my needler." - He was distracted? Or you were? "Shaking a fist-full..." this ends up being a sentence fragment. "the face of Meatspace" -> is Meatspace a planet? Or a region of space (with no real 'face') I thought 'Moop' was the planet's name.? "Lightening struck" -> *Lightning* you do this again later too "...the lightening that scored..." Rubik’s Cube...

A very bleak poem. Nice! I think it would only help illustrate the point if you extended this, actually writing out the repetition, with small variations, then finally ending with the "repeat / repeat" (why not one more 'repeat'?). That would illustrate the endless monotony in one more way, right? Drag it out in all its tedious glory for us! ;) The rhyming that crept in toward the end was well done. Good work. :)

"second thoughts" -> it seems like one singular second 'thought' there to me. Solzhenitsyn died in August, not March. Not that it really matters. ;) Last line -> I'd phrase the second sentence "Neither have any relation..." for variety's sake. Fun stuff here, Harold! I honestly don't see why, given the ridiculous nature of this novel, you couldn't use all three opening chapters, with introduction and critiques, and then discuss the advantages and drawbacks of each chapter - all as the a...

"(onions and cheese..." I think this would be funnier if you showed us the sene of him actually _in_ the taco joint explaining this. As it is, it's a bit random. Could you put his thoughts in italics? "spam message. “Congratulations!" -> colon instead of period. "Weeks passed." -> as he "pondered reliable employment"? -> maybe a row of asterisks would work better, or 'A few weeks later...'. "Frantic knocking at the door." -> sentence fragment "and then, jerking the door" -> I'd...