Drake_Lightle's profile

Drake_Lightle avatar
AGE: 40
LOC: Independence, MO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 02

This one’s for the Urbis “credit” whores – you know who you are

I feel cheapened
I feel abused
I make love to you
you slumber through it

You rush to the ending of the page
you scroll through all the passion,
all the pleasure,  all the pain
rushing to the “review” and the “credits” for which you came
here they are
wham bam thank you
no thank you

you came
but you didn’t come
and you don’t come
so neither do I
so why’d you bother
wasting our time
oh yes, I almost forgot,
the “credits”, here you go
you know this exchange makes you a ho

You don’t even pretend to dig deeply
you don’t even know how to fake it
you keep it light and surfacy
sometimes you stroke my ego
haven’t you figured out I’m looking for a mi…

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Items
Poetry / The Tijuana Donkey Show
Version 1
32 Reviews   29 Comments
the heel of her stiletto is on my spine / an aculeus burying deep into the tissue / tearing at the cartilage / crushing my will / she doesn’t fuck around, boy / she just fucks / with stocks and crops / she binds and whips and cuts and shreds flesh / fuck the baseball bat / she takes a 12 gauge to the pinata because she really likes her candy hard / white lines mixed with red blood numbs my blued back / blackness is the shadow which occupies the hole / unilluminated by the moon shine moon pie,...
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Reviews
Poetry / Lament(revised)
by GreenIguana
It's difficult to critique a piece about drug-related death without sounding trite. But I assume you want honest criticism. I struggled with the transition in the fourth stanza. I didn't see the need to begin the third line with "Or" as it added nothing. I would have simply begun with "[w]as...". I also found the imagery of "unlocking the mystery" boring. It's recycled. Can you express the same idea in a novel way? I liked the last stanza best. It read like quicksand; heavy and inescapable.
Poetry / The Lonely Whore
by otello
I like all of this except the "Oliver Twist" reference. I can't see a pimp as "Oliver," but more like "Fagin." I appreciate the way this could be literally about a prostitute, or also about a barfly just looking for sex, with the pimp being the compulsion, or just about addiction. The androgeny of the piece also works well.
Poetry / Symbiogenesis
by Spriglief
The first "best supports" your position. But it's not a very complete explanation as to why that theory is not compatible with other evolutionary theory. However, having read both, I am left thinking that both cooperation and competition work simultaneously, and neither concept is mutually exclusive. So, I don't see the need for the "swipe" at Dawkins, and I think it undercuts the point of Margulis' theory by making a pointless and unsubstantiated dig at Dawkins.
Poetry / Ashes of Roses
by oknapp
Pretty romantic language for such a bitter message. Perhaps that was partly of necessity to adhere to the structure of the rhyme scheme. There are parts of this which I found strong and engaging, such as the phrase "[t]he heel of your confusion," which struck me as an appropriate personification. There are other parts where your language seemed a little convenient, such as "[y]ou are the moon in the distant heavens," when you could have really extended the distance by making the moon the moon...
Poetry / Undercover Hippo
by Fresh_Fish
Who doesn't love a good metaphor about drug addiction. Though, I wouldn't necessarily have gotten it if you hadn't spelled it out in your intro. Pablo Escobar had hippos on his compound (the real kind, of course) that now roam freely in the jungle. Definitely a foreign habitat. Sobriety is quite the battle. I can appreciate the reference to the return of meat to the bones, for I too was once a walking skeleton.
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