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AGE:
50
LOC: Staten Island, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 02
LOC: Staten Island, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 02
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Version 2
7 Reviews
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D & S: Chapter Two A Lieutenant of the guard came running up to them. “Your majesty! Captain! My men and I have closed off the streets surrounding this plaza. If there are any confederates hiding about, my men will find them out.” Where have your men come from? Which part of the city were they to stand guard in? Have you brought all of your men, or did you leave some behind to guard against a sneak attack?! Hmm?” Sindara asked with barely controlled anger. “Nnnn-no Captain! We brought all of ...
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Version 1
5 Reviews
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The Dragon & The Sparrow – Chapter 3 He started towards the mercenary to stop him from carrying away the Lady, but Sindara, he saw, arrived there first. Now, a flash of movement heralded the arrival of a new group of combatants ready to enter the fray. A sigh of relief escaped his lips as he realized that the new group was The Queen’s City Guards. They had decided to move forward and to take the mercenaries from behind when they realized that the mercenaries were getting the upper hand. They ...
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This is a well written story. It has a post-apocolyptic feel to it. Kind of like a "Mad Max" movie. I like the characters Harich the neanderthal, and his "Bruv". Manny was an interesting but ultimately sad character. And the scene from the town they entered fit the story perfectly. This would make a good book if you ever wanted to tell the whole story of how the world got that way and how the survivors deal with it all. All in all, a very good story. Good luck and good writing.
I love this story. The toungue in cheek way you portray Sgt. Shrapnel is hilarious and way over the top. Your descriptive sense is exceptional. I can almost see everything and everyone you describe like a movie running through my brain. Keep on the track you are going. I believe this story will get published when you finish it. It kind of reminds me of the "Matt Bolan: The Executioner" series. Good luck and good writing.
Okay. The premise for this story is well thought out.I like the idea of a man who is immortal, but has a dark side. It might help your story to be clearer if you use italics when you are showing what someone is thinking. When you show dialogue between different characters, you do so by placing quotation marks at the beginning and end of the dialogue. This shows when the dialogue begins, and where it ends. So when you show what someone is thinking, the way you show it has to be different from ...
An excellent tale, so far. You have captured the essence of a person dying. I can almost feel what he is feeling. The helplessness, the regret for a life wasted. The need for forgiveness. The physical and emotional pain. The inevitability of it all. A life changing event indeed. Well written. I am looking forward to more.
I am really enjoying reading the chapters I have read so far. Your characters are well developed, sympathetic and their abilities seem to complement each other, or will when they learn to use their abilties properly. The dragon was a great addition to the cast, and Ash is properly mysterious. Zeke is knowledgeable and hints at hidden talents. All in all, a well written passage. I am looking forward to more.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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