DrGandalf's profile
AGE:
61
LAST LOGIN: April 26
LAST LOGIN: April 26
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22 Reviews
1 Comment
I am new to urbis and desire severe criticism. It will not be helpful AT ALL if you praise my work. What I need is either global criticsm regarding scene, plot, character, dialog, or else specific criticism rwegarding my choice of particular words, phrases, grammar. I need to know if my characters are real to you. Again, please, NO PRAISE. Thank you. Chapter One Reminiscences “It’s all different now”, mused the waking Santa as he sat up on his bed on that perspicuous morning. “Everything see...
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Yours is the first piece of writing that was worthy of review. I truly enjoyed the entirety of your story. I would purchase a book of your short stories. I encourage a professional publisher to consider your worked talent. 1- Your opening and final lines were compelling. This frames the story, an important characteristic of well-worked prose. 2- Visual imagery throughout. I can see the scene, the worried men and their change in attitude. "cracking saddles", "like a starved child", "steadty be...
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Well written, with just enough humor in places. I got confused as to the major theme. Great dialog. Nice use of foreign words, intermized with the serious dialog. There were quite a few characters to follow, forcing me to reread portions of the story. What concerns me the most is why you have written something that you admit is not serious. I would think a writer, who has to wade through so much nonsense on this website, would want a critique on something that really doesn't matter to him. I ...
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You may want to change "As a woman, we are trained to" into "As women". You may strive to work on this sentence some, "I’ve been all through the stereotypical thoughts a woman who loves a man who commits adultery to be with her." I had to read it twice, and still felt it was somewhat convoluted. But maybe it's just me. "Married my husband" needs a subject, "I" before it. The story is obviously for women. Not being in your target audience, I could not readily be enthused by your story. But, I'...
Great analogy of the socks. Very homespun wisdom. I can relate to the idea quite easily. The poem is straightforward with no difficult words or expressions. The reader needn't go back over your work and struggle with it. The imagery is memorable, yet profound in meaning.
Your poem is both powerful and pathos-driven, a are combination. I enjoyed the twist at the end, both the change from "wonm't" to "will" and the tone from isolational defensiveness to yearning. Well done.
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