I'd have to read a few years worth over again to decide "best",and, when they writers go, don't they "take down their stuff?" I agree with your stuff, am drawn into it by the title, and go for the folksy attitude of your manisfesto although it swears a little too much to convince me it's from a founder. I think it could be shortened and say the same thing in a more readable manner (shorter), and I have a problem myself with chapter 38's--I want people to read my novel from chapter 1 to chapte...

It was an interesting recounting of a real time and place and true to itself and its times, making you born in 1947 to 1954. Only way you wouldn't put too much hippie stuff in it in establishing the setting. It was lovely how this brief encounter with Janis had her soul enter the forest, swaying the pines as the wind followed after. More than the usual "we sneaked into rock concerts " tale can tell, and more like the thoughts coming out with a blast of good hash when you start coughing.Fits w...

The only repitition I'd leave out is the last paragraph on the bottom of page 8, top of page 9. I don't think it reads well being repeated so close to when it was just put into the story. If it had happened half a page more away, or something--but changing that would ruin the wonderful purity of your segue from start to finish. The piece was written like a professional's. I had one response ready all the way along, until I came to that sentence. I'd leave it out. I wanted to say that the aunt...

As a young adult you are reading adult novels so I felt this more likely to be written by a young adult than to one. If it's by one, I really want to give it a 7 in the Y.A. category for craftmanship, if it's supposed to be for them, I think it talks down to their abilities to read and give it a 5. But I don't know which the catagory is rating--best work by a young adult or to one. I see the hard work that went into this; it isn't easy to finish sentences that call for "the long way around."....

Your ending is great! The story is somewhat confusing. Deep end, diving board, etc. make me think of pool, but it wouldn't take hours nor dogs to find the fellow underwater there, unless they'd let the water go so geen with mildew they couldn't see an inch past the surface.You say bronzed arm college student and then bronze-armed college student; the latter is correct. I like your anti-climax, feel you used the form well. You should do well over time--I think the only problem here was not usi...

Many folks get tired of hearing all about what's wrong with somebody, and it's no different here. You do make the teeth bit relevant as it affects your relations with girls since 20's, including I guess the jewel in your collection, and gives us another story--the beating, and your reaction.While the hair bit allows us a little Cypress, it still gets redundant, as do the teeth, and I think you should mention them more succinctly. At least 100 less words for each.Ex. You've already said this i...

Yes with proper editing it would be marketable but if you tell more. You need to really give away the awful-ness of this and make people unable to sleep and want to change things in New York and wherever else it is this horrid. As for corrections, I saw a lot of good writing with a few flaws: You could drop the "you see" before "the workers at these facilities want you to believe...", and at the end,say "I often pose this question to parents" (rather than, many parent, or even, many parents.)...

To make the sentence easier to wolf down, I'd put "unsteady, round, scratched-up tables", not keeping "scratched -up" so far from "table." Plus you want your strongest statement,image, etc at the end. That it was round seems irrelevant except for adding to word count, circular is not the usual way we describe round tables except when pretentious. No comma needed after tequila. "We drove, when the light turned green." "We drove,accidentally leaving the trunk open, when the light turned green."...