Deanne's profile

Deanne avatar
AGE: 55
LOC: Tampa, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 19

I grew up in the deep woods in northern Michigan and have lived in Los Angeles, Hermosa Beach, Torrence, Van Nuys, Boulder, Denver, Key West, Tampa, and now Spring Hill, Florida.
We began writing (for we were twins  in that cabin with deer for neighbors ) about 4th grade in eanest, authoring every play and skit our class put on . At home we made up Arrow Book Lists and lists of our library books when we returned from there, describing  or summarizing both real books and ones of our invention.  The twin got to read whichever interested her most. If it didn’t exist and she chose it, the reward was a good laugh  because we’d fooled a brilliant adversary. We were quite creative so we’d disguise a book like Bambi so the other would never …

(more)

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Take my daughter's credit card off my account I keep trying but when I sneak back around it's popped back up without a sound doncha know she'll call the police ya take her money out why can't I enter mine its got the same amount sorry lady but the card number you giving us goes the nonexistant route you bank say it does not belong to an active bank account. Take that word outta the book em-ess I sent you clowns get autobography outta the title of the book on which you all don't pay no money d...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 4
0 Reviews   0 Comments
1. PROLOGUE: Dad’s Wife, Cuckoo One Saturday night when we were already in our pajamas, four children under eight years old, Mom said she was going out to the garage to kill herself and not to open the door or the fumes would get us, too. Nothing like this had ever happened to us before, and we were in shock. We could hear the engine roar occasionally. Once we opened the door a crack and the garage was filled with smoke and stink. We had no ideas regarding what to do. Then the garage door wen...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Pockets of Change 1. Dad, Woods Owner One Saturday night when we were already in our pajamas, four children under eight years old, Mom said she was going out to the garage to kill herself and not to open the door or the fumes would get us, too. Nothing like this had ever happened to us before, and we were in shock. We could hear the engine roar occasionally. Once we opened the door a crack and the garage was filled with smoke and stink. We had no idea what to do. Then the garage door went up...
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
It's sad for me to see a photo of Dad with sons 9 and 7 standing beside him, coming to the top of his swimming trunks. Little boys on a trip out west with their dad, so excited about buffalo and coyotes, canyons and Indians. That's when he should have been with them every single day--because soon enough, he was going to have to live another 24 and 37 years without them. Those should have been the years he took off during. But we never know, and neither of them would ever say their time with h...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Once I sold newspaper subscriptions in the meanest Tampa Housing projects , unworried because my boss, Dan, was always able to keep me at ease, somehow-- I knew I was safe. I'd seen him respond to a coked-up black stranger waving a cocked and loaded gun at him with "Get that gun out of my face ; I can't talk with a gun in my face." The authority and mellowness all rolled into the voice were the perfect combo to make the guy sit down and shut up--usually really stupid; you never show a gun at...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Flash Fiction / Oh Shit!
To make the sentence easier to wolf down, I'd put "unsteady, round, scratched-up tables", not keeping "scratched -up" so far from "table." Plus you want your strongest statement,image, etc at the end. That it was round seems irrelevant except for adding to word count, circular is not the usual way we describe round tables except when pretentious. No comma needed after tequila. "We drove, when the light turned green." "We drove,accidentally leaving the trunk open, when the light turned green."...
Yes with proper editing it would be marketable but if you tell more. You need to really give away the awful-ness of this and make people unable to sleep and want to change things in New York and wherever else it is this horrid. As for corrections, I saw a lot of good writing with a few flaws: You could drop the "you see" before "the workers at these facilities want you to believe...", and at the end,say "I often pose this question to parents" (rather than, many parent, or even, many parents.)...
Many folks get tired of hearing all about what's wrong with somebody, and it's no different here. You do make the teeth bit relevant as it affects your relations with girls since 20's, including I guess the jewel in your collection, and gives us another story--the beating, and your reaction.While the hair bit allows us a little Cypress, it still gets redundant, as do the teeth, and I think you should mention them more succinctly. At least 100 less words for each.Ex. You've already said this i...
Flash Fiction / Scrawny Sad and Dark
Your ending is great! The story is somewhat confusing. Deep end, diving board, etc. make me think of pool, but it wouldn't take hours nor dogs to find the fellow underwater there, unless they'd let the water go so geen with mildew they couldn't see an inch past the surface.You say bronzed arm college student and then bronze-armed college student; the latter is correct. I like your anti-climax, feel you used the form well. You should do well over time--I think the only problem here was not usi...
Young Adult / In This Together
As a young adult you are reading adult novels so I felt this more likely to be written by a young adult than to one. If it's by one, I really want to give it a 7 in the Y.A. category for craftmanship, if it's supposed to be for them, I think it talks down to their abilities to read and give it a 5. But I don't know which the catagory is rating--best work by a young adult or to one. I see the hard work that went into this; it isn't easy to finish sentences that call for "the long way around."....