DeadEdward's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Belgium
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 20
LOC: Belgium
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 20
Oh well…. people keep asking me for a description of myself….
Well i am the longhaired crazy fellow with a leather jacket that gets u annoyed.
It is rather easy to recognize me… i am the bloke that says something nobody wants to say…
Everybody knows i’ll do something but nobody knows what…
Items
Version 2
79 Reviews
29 Comments
No matter how far I run, there is always the stench of death and decay. I’ll never outrun it for I am the smell. It will always be there, my eternal companion. It wasn’t always like this, I used to be a man. I smelled flowers, dirt and sweat. Back then it stank and I was glad to be rid of it after a bath. Now I would do anything to smell it again. But it remains death circling me. Just like the flies, those damn flies. Always they haunt me, never a moments peace. But death remains, encircling...
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Wow... In the beginning its a bit hard too read because of the difficult words (english isn't first language) but you manage to keep the attention of the reader without driving them away with the words. This is because there is an excellent pace in the story, slowly, like the child explorations you learn everything. Its very good but offcourse now i am curious about the huge bloodlusty god creature... I can't say anything wrong about it, nice job.
The description of the dark woods starts well, but ends suddenly.. a bit too suddenly i think. Try to pull the reader in more, now you just show the surface. Like... maybe what she feels when she hears the twigs... how the hunter breaths and moves in the dark. And when the hunter comes near, try to emphasize how he touches her... how her skin feels... the stunning efect of the wings when he notices them. Anyway, your story... Its pretty good and there are alot of possibilities in it
I think you made mistake and confused me with an agency... that or i am wrong. The story seems to intrigue,... i'd love to read but still no reputable experience. I do wonder what style this manuscript is written.
I can't help but feel this western genre. Indeed it was a nice mixture. Yes off course i want to keep reading, especially when you tell there is something special enough to his daughter for a Centaur killing gang to come after her. Its a great story but you should try to prolong it some more. It is nice written but it seems as you don't take enough time to tell the tale. (which means everything happens fast)
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