Curtastrophe's profile

With respect . . . Per reviewer's notes: _Firstly_, please don't apologize--"I wrote this in a rush. It is horribly put together and It is something I really wish to develop. This is the first draft. I hope to add more “acts” to it, as soon as I can figure them out."--for the way the story came out. _It colors an otherwise objective reviewer's mind that this is going to be a busted-out tale_. _Secondly_, the formatting is right on. You took the time, and congrats. I only get "credited" for a ...

Informational and fun to read too. Excellent. The first few sentences sidetracked my thinking instead of pulling me attention into the story. My thoughts after S1: "Really? Do they have to be? I have a really good Alton Brown recipe for those that I've been itching to try." and then after S2: "I'm pretty sure they do."--as I turn my eyes from the story to recollect my last visit to the grocery/convenience store. Distracting. So . . . For a first sentence I'd suggest, "_When_ you're heading fo...

S- Loves me some drabble kink. Perhaps give the minister a name? "The Minister" / "Minster Tie/Roper/Knotter/or that of any Republican politician well known for their outspoken views on "deviant" lifestyles i.e. Craig. an idea; mixers! / idea: mixers! "...rope in new members."--sweet enough to make my teeth hurt. Kudos. Consider: "Submitting to this divine inspiration, he..."--saves two words. And "...proud of the bold..."--loses the repetiton of dominating. You've already got _rope in_ and _...

Give us action first--"Prodding her lashes back into place with an HB pencil, the assistant at the Clinique counter took two steps..." A suggestion, "...Sellotape. She had to be careful."--vary those sentence lengths. "She had..." the short sentence creates a theme and suspense. "peeled orange and unskinned banana"--fruitastically funny. Good enough to bruise peach-flavored cynicism. Suggestion, "I’ll take the basic hooker/tramp/trollop red, please." “Damn it love, / "Damn it, love. I have......

H- Amazing drabble for my perfectly soaked and unexpectedly drenched day. Allows us to fill in the beginning and the ending. It's a middle man of sorts and gives the reader a canvas for which to paint their own experiences/interprative meanings. Like it. The story itself is brimming with sexuality. Perhaps find a way to delete a word and insert, "My _pink_ (or _red_) scarf!" as those words will color the reader's mind. Lines 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 are what make the story really move--captures the w...