the first stanza was vague but intriguing and drew me into wanting to read the rest. but i think i falls apart after that. it's too specific in a bad way. you're describing things about your life that only you really understand. it's unrelatable in a bad way. from what i understand, there was a rift in the family between your father and brother, then you changed schools when you moved to texas, then to colorado with your father, had trouble making friends in high school, broken heart, dyed yo...

define "stricking."

sure is. i give this a six overall.

your word plays or "sill language tricks" arent to clever or amusing actually. half the time i cant even make out the meter it should be read in. just being honest

this is more of a prayer than a poem it seems. and without any dense knowledge of islam, the reader can't make heads or tails of this. i know i couldnt. but thats just my opinion. im sure it makes sense to someone of islamic faith though.

i really like this. i think stuff like this all the time, but often its hard to translate my thoughts to words as well as u have here. i like the three devices u use: contrasting u and her, the vanilla sky thing about how without the sour the sweet wouldnt be, and all the obstacles ur willing to face just to be with her. they all work really great together. theres no real story, but i guess there doesnt need to be since youre just professing your love and devotion to her. overall, sweet poem....

this is cool. idk exactly what its about. but i guess its ambiguous in a good way because i can pin a lot of different possible meanings to it. its either about a guy whos addicted to his computer, a guy becoming a computer, a computer as the narrator, or a robot. it seems to work from each perspective. id like to know from which u wrote it, if any of those i mentioned. the rhyme scheme is okay, but i think it limits the power of this piece. this could be alot more graphic and intense and all...

this is good. but a huge tease. what happens? does he eat her? finish it!

this is awesome. i am favoriting this, which i rarely do. i love how the whole story is about making fun of how society has a propensity to degrade things by labeling and categorizing to no end. some people my say its biased because the only real country u stopped in was america. but regardless. even the way the story makes fun of itself in this metaphysical way is amusing. this very similar to a one act play i am doing at school called "the whole shebang" only that is about the idea of the u...