Casey's profile
AGE:
23
LAST LOGIN: October 13
LAST LOGIN: October 13
My name is Casey and I live in Bakersfield, California…the basics. I’m a sophomore in college and enjoy writing. Most of my work is humorous but sometimes I like to break out of that with a more serious piece. High fives to anyone who reads my work. Myspace is http://www.myspace.com/phoenix762 in case you want to look at me.
Items
Version 1
10 Reviews
5 Comments
Your mouth is a very sensitive location on your body. Anyone who has been punched in the face knows this. I’ve had a few cavities filled during my life. The novocaine used to work but not so much anymore. After the last adventure the dentist took in my mouth with his drill I swore to floss everyday. This was a different situation, however. Waiting rooms are all the same. You sit in the awkwardly situated chair, catch up on the latest Britney Spears news in the magazine on the table, and stare...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
10 Reviews
7 Comments
This was a weekend of blue skies and cool air, unusual for the valley. A valley that, on most days, resembles a shell crater on a World War I battlefield where low lying mustard gas has collected. One breath of it and your eyeballs sting and your lungs collapse, but not today. Fields of wheat, corn, and carrots. A green tractor plowing the ground, it looks small enough in the distance to hold in your hand. The surrounding mountains give a sense of security and bearing in such a flat land. The...
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Reviews
Wonderful descriptions. There are really some unique ones like the muddy wine sky. There are little details that I appreciate like sipping beer even before dawn. Why is she drinking so early? And how kisses kill. These give the character so much more depth through saying so little. There is one sentence that is awkward : She drops the pen onto the blank pages in order to remove the Marlboro ultra light from between her full lips so that she can take a draught from the half-full bottle of Amst...
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Wonderful story. There were some good tangible items in this such as the mason jar with the bitter ice tea and the smell of work on the father's hands and clothes. There are a couple sentences that are awkward: Fourth paragraph, starts with "I walked," ends with "bitter contents". Last paragraph, starts with "We didn't always talk," ends with "papa all to myself". The symbology of the lightning bugs and what they mean to different people is what really brings this piece together for me.
Probably the most different thing I've read on here. The first half was done really well and I think you did a good job of characterizing the narrator and the old man. I sorta get what you're going for in the second part but its just way too fantastical to believe and a little too gory for humor, plus its just too out of character for the first part (that's alotta too's). I was disappointed to see a good story end the way it did. If you continued with the same style as the first part and made...
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Great story. I think its all perfectly clear what happened. I think the mentioning of the frying pan, the lighting the cigarette on the burner, and the arrangement for the return of the gloves was a good way of implying what happened. It would be difficult to add anymore without making it too obvious. Some grammar needs to be checked and it needs to be properly formatted.
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First off, I really enjoyed the diction of this piece. After reading this a couple times through, it leaves me slightly confused. I can't quite pick up on what this is. The F5's need some explanation. It seems as though this is a letter being written on a laptop but being blind would make that difficult, so its hard to perceive exactly what is going on. In all honesty, I think its great writing, it just needs a few blanks filled in.
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