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CapnBlueballs's profile
AGE:
42
LOC: Omaha, NE
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 16
LOC: Omaha, NE
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 16
Hello all. My name is Dave and I live in the ever-exciting city of Omaha, Nebraska. Because of my strong heartland values, I am generally smug and consider myself better than everybody else, but I’d never admit it to anyone but you. Gotta go hunt down my dog, as that sumbitch is in need of a kickin’. Good day.
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Version 1
35 Reviews
9 Comments
Angus’ Beef By: Captain Thaddeus Q. Blueballs Chapter One: Making New Friends This jail cell was not built to hold a man like me. That’s not a testament to my physical prowess, but rather, a nod toward the predicament I’m in. Back in the good ole U.S. of A., I’m generally considered a large man, though not usually in those terms. I’m regularly called jumbo, huge, super-sized, portly, overweight and fat, to name a few. My doctor had the audacity to call me obese, but after all those years of n...
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Perhaps I'm stupid, I don't know, but I found this piece hard to understand. Not due to any holes in the plot (not enough sample here judge), but rather from language and insights that are exclusive to the narrator. Other words: I have no idea what the hell is going on. Would i read further to find out? Possibly but doubtful, since I feel that reading shouldn't be 'work'. Please understand, I'm not knocking your ability to write. You write very well, and I may be the only one to feel this way...
Hi. Definititely some spelling and puncuation issues, but as you said, it's a rough draft and I'm sure you'll catch them later. Interesting story to this point. The beginning was just a hair stilted and had the feeling of cramming a lot of information into a little space. When you got to the dialogue, I felt you really hit your stride. It was believable and already it is helping to shape the personalities of the characters. Frankly, I'd say I'd have to read a little more to decide if I'd read...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Pulled out all the stops, have you? The imagery is intense and the last sentence is chilling. That said, if you had taken a moment to clean up your spelling and puncuation before posting, the story would've been so much better. It's forgivable on a short piece like this, but if it was much longer you'd have lost me. I read for pleasure, and it's not very pleasurable trying to decipher stories w/o proper punc. and spelling. It detracts, and in some cases, thats a real shame. Well done. Good luck
You put a lot of hard work into this and it shows. In your struggle against the allure of the comma, you've progressed to the point where you're using to few. I'm no English major, so I'll let others fill you in on that subject. The general puncuation falters in other places as well, but a simple edit should correct these easily enough. Again, I defer to those more qualified than I to point them out. As to content, I enjoyed the story, but did have a couple of issues I wanted to address in th...
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