CSNS's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Metairie, LA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 28
LOC: Metairie, LA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 28
Sometimes I just wanna say F*CK and run away…but then I remember the first rays of sun in the morning, the darkness of the sky opening on a world so little of us will explore, even in our imagination, the sound of laughter; the waves on a shore and music so deep that it will threaten to tear your soul…and that’s what, in the end, makes it all worth it.
http://www.myspace.com/schnoukie
Items
Version 1
8 Reviews
1 Comment
Axia, a genetically and physically altered alien slave finds her whole existence shifting unexpectedly after her trusted Master betrays her. As a gladiator engineered to fight and die in the arena, Axia does not know anything but violence and the trusty relationship she shares with her breeder. In the disturbance caused by the break of her bond with her Master, Axia shows abilities be...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
The view of the lake spread in front of her eyes. She would have never imagined that such a peaceful place existed. Everything looked in the right place, beautiful in its own way. The water undulated slowly, reforming the reflection of the moon on its unstable surface. Silence ruled around her except for the occasional hollowing of an owl. The almost imperceptible move of air as the bay glass pane slid on its track mad...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
2 Comments
Sfax had been the first to arrive. He took an ID crystal out of his pants pocket, centering it on the rectangular wooden table. He sat the furthest away from the door, one of the two spots of the table’s width. The first of them came only few seconds later; then one by one they each took a seat, nodding to one another. When every seat was occupied, Sfax stood, thumb printing the crystal’s surface. The previously translucent su...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
3 Comments
Axia blinked, eyes fixed on her hands. Her fingers felt like someone else’s. The needles had been removed, in their place, polished and perfectly manicured nails covered the tip of her fingers. Her eyes climbed up her arms. She moved a trembling hand to her forearms, touching her skin, smooth and soft, covering the place where the blades had been. She was in this same laboratory she knew so well. Everything was familiar; all ...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Malit’s stride was quick and purposeful. He had a lot to do since the professional fight was over. There was no going back now. He was so deeply in thought he did not notice the young man standing ahead, back resting against a wall, hands in his pockets. “I need to talk to you Malit.” Erin interjected. Malit paused in his tracks, answering automatically to the voice but not rea...
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"I was felt pitifully alone" = I felt/was pittifully alone. " I thought was on my way home." = I thought I was on my way home. Great "scorpion like" description of the old man. I would add something like "The spiders again." to kinda refer to the previous chapter. I would have liked a little bit more of reaction from Nikki facing what she supposedly is able to do. Yes you convey the shock an withdrawn feeling but what about some internal thoughts too. She seems a little bit blank right now, m...
"I felt it enter my nostrils, first." I think you should get rid of this sentence. You already talked about the nostrils at the beginning, makes it redundant. "my extremities awakening" You used that word a few sentences prior already, maybe change it for "my extremities coming to life" "I felt the numbness rising from my extremities.." or something. "Inside my head there was the cool tingling, again. I also felt the tinglings in every opening of my head. " Repetition of tingling and head mak...
"was totally moving out" = was totally moved out. I like the idea of the ramp but I got confused with the esca(lator) and the ele(vator) idea, are they the same thing? Different? Add some precision. The two paragraphs when you are very staccato was alright but needs some tightening as far as flow. Also, maybe add a better transition between the first paragraph and the "Riding down the ele(vator) part. I love the concept of short, concise "image action" like I call them, however, some areas bo...
"I struggled with my arms and legs that tingled like sleeping limbs that were handing off the end of a bed too long." = good sentence but fairly long, I would get rid of "that were". "gigantic" = I would change it for "much bigger", cat/dog size is "gigantic" compared to the usual size of a spider but not compared to your character's size. "raping its feet"? = legs rather? sounded a little weird for a spider. Novocain = it is a local anesthetic, if you want to convey the idea that she is unab...
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