BrokenMisery's profile
AGE:
18
LAST LOGIN: April 20
LAST LOGIN: April 20
Hello!
My name is Caitlin but my friends call me Caitie(kt) or Cait. I’m a 14 year old Australian female and I always write from my heart and emotions but try my best to write to my full potential. I’ve been writing poetry and lyrics for just over a year and I would love to learn more techniques to improve my writing.
Thank you all for all your help in critiquing my work! I’d love to get to know all you guys and girls a little better! Feel free to email me (include Urbis in the title of your email).
paper.doll.tears@hotmail.com
Thank you!
Cait
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Losing grip on broken reality, capturing the souls of modern mortality. Hungered hope plays in the time of our minds, watching for weakness in Devil's divine. Watching and waiting, hungered and lost. Time has left us stranded, as our dreams pay the cost. We're slipping away, these tears strangle our souls. Slipping away, this world has turned so cold. Slipping away, as the storm fills broken hands; capturing its time, in the hourglass sands. Caged in the boundaries of life's endeavor, waiting...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Lost between the fingertips of broken reality, Searching for the souls of modern mortality. Within the nightmare encasing her mind, Lies the shattered dream her heart confined. Little angel spread your wings, Lift from this land and the mourning it brings. Drown your sorrows and keep your peace, Little angel, find your release. A thousand fortune stories told from lies, Choose a deck of cards and pay your price. For a soul is nothing for the broken to give, 'Cause its just a painful memory to...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
The last tears have fallen to a lost heart beat, She is but a memory that is incomplete. Hands; tattered in crimson spider webs, Pouring and rushing in between broken threads. The last tears have fallen to a lost heart beat, The demons have conquered her soul in defeat. To the fragile skeleton caged by flesh and skin, The prison of a mortal has broken her in. The last tears have fallen to a lost heart beat, She is growing numb in silent retreat. To a world that has left her with nothing sweet...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
The poison drips like candy, Heavy on my lips. Lying in the shadows, Of the moon's eclipse. I am your secret, Your hunting prey, Feeding on me at night, And taunting me at day. Painting my wounds, Insanity is you're art, I; the canvas, With an artificial heart.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Blood pouring like oceans, In this macabre. Knife held to broken throats, Under the candelabra. Ghost sheets held over bodies, Soaking up the red. Sour stench of rotting roses, Carried by the dead. Wish upon a funeral, To the lives they did not live. Forgotten box of memories, Flow like sand through a sieve. Lower the coffins to the ground, And sing a lullaby, Suicidal verse in melody, To say their last goodbye.
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
Deleted Item
You're storyline is interesting but seems to skip between a lot of 'pointless' characters. "Said" and "says" are used and repeated way too often because it interupts the flow of conversation between characters. A normal conversation with correct grammar and using the occasion word such as "replied Hannah" can help the reader to pick up who's speaking without the conversation seeming very cut off from speaker to speaker. Past and present tense are also a very obvious issue. You tend to skip te...
Deleted Item
I have read this several times and still don't understand what you're saying. Are you expressing your need to fill your soul to make you happy/calm? I like your ideas you have expressed and your metaphoric attitude but be careful of making it too cryptic for your reader. You may also want to consider fixing punctuation including that sentences shouldn't start with 'and' and that it can sometimes be frustrationg having a sentence finish halfway through a line. I admire your creativity so keep ...
I think you're story needs a lot of development. You have the idea and an explanation behind the idea but you need to build the storyline more. Another thing is to fix up the speech by the characters because it is confused with everything else, so just try spacing it out a bit more. You did a good job at spelling as well as the development of the characters and I'm interested in reading the end. Remember to get keep the audience in your plot line so that your audience feels what you want them...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
