Very Clever. Love the Ron Paul line. I still can't say I've ever read an english Haiku that didn't make me feel like I was wasting time.

There are some real solid lines in this piece. I like the ending of stanza one very much. I don't really understand the use of "ricochet", I think I see more the image/idea of muscle/rubber-band/bungee cord. I think you could cut a lot of fat here....like in stanza two, if something is "somehow" I take it is different than others in that situation, so mentioning your hands and such is not needed. I don't see the purpose of the end of this stanza as well. Reads like some emo-love type little p...

I bet this really made someone happy and that's great. Personal, heartfelt writing should stay private. As a poem this is very boring for me. The end rhymes just go on and then they flatten out at times making an already awkward style more awkward.

This is very muddy, the flow that is. It has the feel of a longer poem shoved into the shoes of a short poem. You might also be more specific in regards to history, of the skin that is....which you do slightly with lines like "A working class kid". Maybe throw in a reference to lice and why the skins became skins, maybe explain the skank with a reference to dance hall so that it would open the piece up and make it easier for people to read that aren't skins.

Rhyme just makes things seem awkward to me (end rhymes do this the most). There are times were you force the rhyme, which makes it read even more awkwardly. (for example... If they keep gettin into shit, I’m gonna scream...) As a house husband, I completely know where you are coming from, I just think you haven't dug deep enough, I think you are only writing the surface and the surface is something that just isn't enough.

I feel that this is many poems under one title and that works sometimes and then it doesn't. You have a very strong ability to create music in your lines and that really helps give the piece movement. Again, a great use of alliteration and other internal rhyme patterns. Overall, the feelings created by many piece in one really takes away from the piece and I could see this being a small collection of poems/chapbook, but as a single standing piece it just doesn't work for me. Only my opinion.

The very first line, though rich with alliteration, comes across as awkward. Sip-sipping comes across as very forced and fat to boot. This piece is really hurt by the vagueness. I find myself wishing for something solid I can hold onto, such as some strong imagery or specific facts.

I've always found it funny how people use the tools of elitism when condemning another for being elite. Also, aren't blanket generalizations a fallacy of reasoning? Great use of five dollar words and over stretched images. You do have music inside your lines, which is more than most can say.

The formatting is off, you might want to check that out. It could just be Urbis, but if it isn't, you really need to think about using line breaks. Line Breaks would really help open this piece up. The next thing I would do is really try to use more images and not be so straight forward in your poesy. Show don't tell the reader. The use of abstracts really take away from this piece. Instead of saying "morals", couldn't you have been far more specific...which would only help get your point acr...

There is a lot of telling here. Lines like "Delicate perfection", "I love you this" and "I love you that" and "Maybe someday we’ll all wake up". If you were to "show" the reader more, it would really help bring the reader into the piece. This is a very long piece and could really be cut down quite a bit. There is a lot of fat here, lines that aren't needed to get the gist across.