Although I’m not the target audience for this work I can see the elements in it that would appeal to the young adult. The story was interesting, though the back story, to me, was a little clumsily delivered i.e. self relation by Tori ` The aching memory of how...’ – I wonder if you couldn’t take it a bit further i.e. you have Rose telling us part of the story in her question, could others mention bits e.g. the teacher. The setting was well described, minimal but effective. The dialogue was al...

What a lovely story and true to the title ze bird is ze magician, no. I wondered what the bird might be, being red, blue and green, and one that migrates during winter. The only such coloured birds we have in Australia are rosellas, a member of the parrot family. This could be a classic tale, if we had a little more insight into the girl’s feelings when bird disappears, or when it finally flies free. She cries, but does she regret selfishly keeping it caged. When it flies free is she glad? Ma...

This was a curious piece, firstly because of the religious propositions, arguments within, where an ambivalence seems to reign, and secondly because at times the narrator is addressing the reader, and at other times a character who has attempted suicide. Your question re two paragraphs in 4: First thought is, the beginning of second para upsets joining. Would suggest: `Being Veteran’s Day...’ I gather from him putting his hands over his ears he doesn’t want to hear God knocking ? Is this what...

Because the narrative is characteristic i.e. from the mouth of character, and reflecting his education, manner of speech, it makes it difficult to be critical. `...to hide my red rims...’ – of his eyes, I suppose. `They settled, insolent, onto discarded flyers that shuffled on the tile.’ – didn’t quite get what he means by this i.e. `shuffled on the tile’ – couldn’t see it practically - `slipping’ `...she dropped to the hips; she...’ – new expression to me. `...let myself feel bad.’ – how doe...

I have never read `The Well of Lost Plots’ which left me at a bit of a disadvantage. I got a little confused about Thursday Next – kept thinking she was a character of (as it turns out) Wuthering Heights – but she has jumped into the book from her `home’ book. But in your notes you say she is in `Well of Lost Plots’? `The cast of Wuthering Heights...’ – cast? But it is not a play – characters. `... ProCaths (told) made their demands.’ `I knew from the book that Big Martin...’ – hmm which book...

Interesting piece. I quickly got the hang of the way it was playing out in diary form. At first I found the inclusion of personal thoughts directly after what appeared to be an entry in an official log strange. Inclusions later of `I miss Germany...’ and comments on drive and music made me think then that it was a personal diary. In the end it is a little bit of both. Although you have a representative slice of military population, and a good mix of various funeral mourners and events, as I r...

A really good read – tight narrative with interesting premises for future story. The action, and progress of events moves rapidly because the scene is where the current conditions revealed and decisions are being made. So good info load. The dialogue I thought was sound, and natural. The associated movements and descriptive elements were also spare and effective. Overall I thought well written. Suggest new para at `The victim of mistaken ...’ – as new speaker. `It had been a year since Kelan ...

This story had some depth, and worked through it a character partly defined by the main character. It is the man, who imagines from time to time, in a disassocative manner, himself looking at himself through a camera. To deal with his presence in new and adventurous places and actions, he conjures up in imagery and memories of old movies and cartoon. This is to match the `unreality’ of his current position. All this was done very well I thought. I did wonder about his knowledge of Jessica Rab...

I don’t think you have any worries with the dialogue. I thought it was excellent. There was a distinction between characters, and attribution was minimal, and appropriate. A few points: `He would be the first to admit that being handsome had its benefits(,) but (like) as with anything good, there were (it also had its) downfalls. – a couple of things `downfalls’ sounded odd – maybe `drawbacks’ – need to offset `benefits’. Thought `would’ indicated conjecture by author – sentence might begin ...

I really enjoyed reading this. The main character has a great and entertaining narrative voice. It remained consistent, through-out and I liked the way you reflected the emergence of his finer feelings from his subjective, almost hard-bitten observations. I get he has these powers and is, by these in a sense dissociative with the rest of society. This is an excellent vehicle for social commentary by your character. The story I found involving, and the mystery revelation quite satisfactory. Th...