BrianA's profile
AGE:
57
LOC: Australia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 16
LOC: Australia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 16
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Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
5 Comments
“Have you decided on a time and place?” Jimmy asked. “Yes. The centre of the Toralyne Forest. “Never heard of it.” “The Toralyne Forest covers over five hundred thousand acres. It is dedicated to the memory of the Toralyne party who perished establishing it during the Second Green War. It lies to the west of the Great Divide and straddles the Darling River below Wilcannia." “And the time?” “January, 2156.” “And why?&rdquo...
Version 1
5 Reviews
3 Comments
Lorraine’s swollen yellow tongue ran around the outside of her lips like a dry sponge over cracked parchment. Please, can I have some water please? There was no answer. She only thought she spoke. Every time she took a breath her throat burned. She ran a hand over her distended abdomen. I must not die. Her head rolled side to side in the powder-dry, red earth, like someone in the grip of a nightmare seeking the comfort of a dream. It’d been . . . think . . . three year...
Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
There was no future in crime. Mac swung his bio-boots onto the desk, leant back in his chair and spilled scotchliq down the front of his finely cultured suit. “Aww Jees!" He stood up, more annoyed at his own attitudinal clumsiness than any concern for his suit, which would reject any matter it could not make use of as food. He watched the droplets freed from his crotch fall through space, bounce and remain beaded on the equally uninterested carpet. A loud thump and a crumpling soun...
Version 1
3 Reviews
7 Comments
Jimmy did not desire to explore the full implications of his roll in the field. They could be so wide-ranging and multiple, he knew, as to deny any insightful or useful information or purpose. `What was done, was done.’ SLIP as always would be listening. He looked down into the monitor, at the array of information in his area of particular concern. Checks for the presence of the splinter groups of the small d Delguardites, found they existed as a broad smattering of individuals with identifia...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Intrepid go we into time With nary a wrinkle nor worry Seeing no further than our tread We take the next step without dread No telling might happen the invisible hand of fate be seen Just before too late next full instants loom new uncountable futures bloom Beyond where dust settles and shoes wear thin, surfaces vaporize - bones decalcify Beyond measure, and the sight of eyes Where common infinitesibles live Indeterminate lives Where light is matter then matter light beyond the speed of thoug...
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Reviews
I really enjoyed reading this. The main character has a great and entertaining narrative voice. It remained consistent, through-out and I liked the way you reflected the emergence of his finer feelings from his subjective, almost hard-bitten observations. I get he has these powers and is, by these in a sense dissociative with the rest of society. This is an excellent vehicle for social commentary by your character. The story I found involving, and the mystery revelation quite satisfactory. Th...
I don’t think you have any worries with the dialogue. I thought it was excellent. There was a distinction between characters, and attribution was minimal, and appropriate. A few points: `He would be the first to admit that being handsome had its benefits(,) but (like) as with anything good, there were (it also had its) downfalls. – a couple of things `downfalls’ sounded odd – maybe `drawbacks’ – need to offset `benefits’. Thought `would’ indicated conjecture by author – sentence might begin ...
This story had some depth, and worked through it a character partly defined by the main character. It is the man, who imagines from time to time, in a disassocative manner, himself looking at himself through a camera. To deal with his presence in new and adventurous places and actions, he conjures up in imagery and memories of old movies and cartoon. This is to match the `unreality’ of his current position. All this was done very well I thought. I did wonder about his knowledge of Jessica Rab...
A really good read – tight narrative with interesting premises for future story. The action, and progress of events moves rapidly because the scene is where the current conditions revealed and decisions are being made. So good info load. The dialogue I thought was sound, and natural. The associated movements and descriptive elements were also spare and effective. Overall I thought well written. Suggest new para at `The victim of mistaken ...’ – as new speaker. `It had been a year since Kelan ...
Interesting piece. I quickly got the hang of the way it was playing out in diary form. At first I found the inclusion of personal thoughts directly after what appeared to be an entry in an official log strange. Inclusions later of `I miss Germany...’ and comments on drive and music made me think then that it was a personal diary. In the end it is a little bit of both. Although you have a representative slice of military population, and a good mix of various funeral mourners and events, as I r...
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