i'm wondering if the narrator is suffering from delusions which cause him to manifest an illusory relationship with the fonze? there seems to be 2 focuses in this piece: the tongue and the fonze. are they related/emphasized b/c this mentally ill person likes the fonze, remembers that specific line from the fonze, and consequentially becomes fixated on the tongue b/c it connects him to to fonze? i only asks these questions because the transition from the first paragraph (about the tongue) to t...

i think it was interesting how this piece shifted from a superficial somewhat sophomorific account of a guy relating the physical descriptions of a girl he once liked to him having an inner battle with the doctor where he wanted to keep the details about her private. the only thing is that i felt like you might have jumped into that last anti-divulgent part a little too quickly; perhaps you could build up a bit more anxiety so that the reader can more fully understand/feel why the narrator wo...

i liked how the beginning was a flow of consciousness through a panicked state of "holy shit, where am i?" it was also believable because it wasn't too melodramatic.

at first i didn't like the beginning sentence and thought it ought to be reworded to : "a metal rod stands, seemingly alone, ..." but then i realized that the proceeding three lines have the same pattern where "charged" expands on "alive" and "ripples" expands on "rumblings" and then i realized that it was actually a very clever play on words.

great sentence structure and imagery . the only thing awkward was this sentence: The visitor’s – too – spoke silently, tip-toeing through sentences as not to crack the tenuous air of tranquillity. i don't undersand teh significgance of writing "-too-" like that. it distracts from an otherwise beautifully structured sentence.

oh no- you can't just stop it there; what happens next? what really gripped me was the kissing scene by the car- it was the most intense kissing scene b/c Sanji has HIV, and while reading it you make the reader emotionally confused b/c it's an errotic scene, and the reader is turned on clearly feeling the passion of the moment, but at the same time your mind is screaming- OMG she has a VIRUS! It also says a lot about the characters- get self conscious about kissing a guy if i have a zit on my...

seriously catchy title: " a shocking display of public emotion . ( drunk and bored and reflective ) " and i liked the simple but sharp ending of " fuck "

cute piece

you're very clever; i started reading this because i was intrigued by the word "sheeple" and throughout your piece you defined the word and made your case for why the word sheeple ought to exist: PEOPLE ARE SHEEP! they do as they're told; they want to be led, in fact they live to be led like sheep. good job!