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Version 1
14 Reviews
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Floyd sat in his chair, desperate, clutching the trumpet that had held him together over the past fifty years, he stood for the first time before an empty stage with no idea as to what he should do. It was his last performance and he knew it. Everyone knew it. As he clutched and fiddled with the keys he so long identified himself with, he felt the arthritis and inflexibility of age creep into his joints and attach themselves to the last stubborn recesses of his mind's reality. Every tune, eve...
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Version 1
11 Reviews
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"There's no answer to it." Jackson stood taller as his face steeled. John, still crouching down, shook his head off towards nothing, but meant it towards him. There was a pleasure when Jackson said it, as there always was whenever he recognized himself to be saying something hard, something you didn't want to hear, something beyond disagreement. John grunted. That was the end of it. When Meg had asked for this house, the world seemed deeper, scarier, but clinging all along around the promise ...
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I'll do my best, jumping in as you stated in chapter 34. This seems like fairly developed story. I'll felt I was jumping into the sure guidance of the author. In other words, I felt the plot had a confidant roadmap and that's a positive. I lost interest in the sacrifice. Perhaps that was simply from not knowing the backstory, but I didn't feel any tension, it wasn't until I realized the depth of Lash's feeling towards Re-ya that I became interested. A sense of helplessness on his part from th...
This is a good begginning. You have another step to go. There's a nice element of irony here, because you clearly grasp the language you are ridiculing, but if your point is simply that the teacher's are wasting your time...Is that worth the time of the reader? It's not my poem, so it doesn't matter, but I was hoping you were going to take me to the heart of the matter, whatever you think that is. I though for a minute you were going to make feel the real pain of the poor whose reality was be...
The first thing I thought when I read your comments was "this needs to stand on it's own, even if I don't have all the previous plot points." And it did. Great job. I felt invested in all the characters. You're writing is very human, and your dialogue is easy and believable. A couple of points: Don't tell us you're flashing back to 15. Just go there. You already have it italicized, and if we need to know you're 15, find a way to introduce it in the memory. Riley, Cole, and Mike all sound too ...
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I like the setting and the premise. Getting older and being single in an urban jungle is something so many of us are wrestling with, and it's particularly interesting to the current thirty-something generation, moreso than ever. I would love to know what the Oprah episode was about before the main character left for the cab. What did it make her think about, or what mood did it create to make her feel "enlightened" and in a position where she felt she had to handle this horny cab driver a cer...
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