AGE:
51
LOC: Ogdensburg, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 20
LOC: Ogdensburg, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 20
Sauce on the wall: that moment, somewhere between an epiphany and a psychotic break when one hurls the pot of tomato sauce at the white wall- and stands back to admire the result.
Redux.
Love? Well, actually- I know more about food. But who wants a poem about slicing carrots?
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Version 1
1 Review
5 Comments
We calmly discuss eternity, infinity, and truth While the lucid record of the Akashic murmurs Amusement at our small discoveries, Fondly coaxing memory into its rightful place. Ideas, both saved and discarded, sometimes Founded on nothing more than a slice of dream, Form slowly, assuming substance and shape Viewed solely on the sharp edge of a mind’s eye. Thoughts, twined about us like silken scarves, Neither bind nor ensnare, but provide an ease; Joining smooth exchange, without fear...
Version 1
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Given curiosity I should have slit my wrists long ago. Not from despair, or being roundly slapped in the face by the big Empty, But only in an attempt- misguided or not- to move on. Bleed on through to the other side, discover what is there. However, I suspect Here may be as interesting as There, just a little more solid. Leaving behind a futile and messy exercise.
Version 1
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It’s similar to a zipper gone wrong: Teeth locked into a crooked mesh, although After a fashion it looks good-to-go. Or perhaps a misplaced portion of song? The best part- where everyone sings along? Or before having keyed digits I know, An unsolicited voice squeaks “Hello”? Past, with its silk beaded days is unstrung; Even now bright gems meander off track; And loose ends trail behind me like seaweed Caught on the scaly tail of a mermaid. Pointless to long for the months to...
Version 1
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It’s All Infinite Not all dimensions can be seen, Or it hasn’t yet been done. I want to ask what lies between, Or what separates each one. Although unseen, could each contain, A vast universe replete With answers which would not explain How no thing should be complete? In what manner will I think today? Soft contemplation? Toeing quietly into another realm to view the varied permutations of a thing other than myself? Shall I allow calm to claim me in serene observation...
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Low sky darkens from blue to gray; What weather comes, I cannot say. Near nude branches are whipped by wind Since warmth took leave and bleakness grinned At barren ground fading from green; And , oh! The air sounds a cool keen When sunlight steals itself from view: So lovers part, breathing adieu.
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Reviews
Please consider the following suggestions: Delete the for in: for you are safe Try: sweet dream of innocence You have captured a moment recognized by anyone who has ever hushed a child to sleep. Very well done- the love is evident and expressed so well. Thank you, Bibelot
Please consider the following suggestions: our nature No one could blame you if you did. Who would not enjoy it? We could embrase the joy of life That life throws our way. One of your criterias is flash fiction, instead of poetry. Very thoughtful. And you know what? I think every generation has asked the same question. And it's always been complicated. Good work! Bibelot
I have written sonnets in the Italian form, never Elizabethan, and so am unsure of the rules, or if it was your intention to follow a rule. But here goes: First stanza, line 1: 11 syllables Last stanza, line 1: 12 syllables Would you consider the following changes? Self-pity's tears sting through our downcast eyes. There is always a seed of hope to find And paths to daylight in Life's darkest maze It's a good one, did you enjoy writing it? Fight the good fight. Bibelot
No, don't scrap it. And don't describe your opinion as "preachy". You have a right to your own thoughts, and the right to express them as you see fit, as you did here. And although good as a poem, I would like to see this extended, fleshed out and written as prose. It is an observant commentary, which could adapt to a prose form very easily. I like several of the lines- the last lines of each stanza, in fact. Thank you for a good read. Bibelot
First, let me say that this is very good for a first try. Please consider the following suggestions: Rain drops falling on the roof Blot out my inner silence Change both You'd (s) to You'll be fine I am drowning Will you leave me naked and ashamed? To die To die in a corner To die all alone? The last four lines of this poem have great impact, but the impact seems ever greater when adding the final ? to the last line, no? Good work! Bibelot
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