BettyLnx has no favorites yet.
BettyLnx's profile
AGE:
30
LAST LOGIN: October 08
LAST LOGIN: October 08
I am 26. New to Brooklyn. Looking for a job. Looking for change. Looking to get lost.
I like to write read move listen and walk in warm weather.
I love thunderstorms and a band called heernt.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
There is something about moving out that just makes me sick. It’s like being forced to dissect the contents of your vomit after an entire day of binging. Spending a year, maybe half or less, accumulating: hot pink ashtray, little potted bamboo, metal blue picture frame, yellowed velvet chair marked “free stuff” on the corner. Collect and collect and collect. Push it up, shove it in, swallow it down. The photograph of his tongue on my cheek stuck under a chipped banana...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
EMPTYING SPACES_____________________________________________________ There is something about moving out that just makes me sick. It’s like being forced to dissect the contents of your vomit after an entire day of binging. Spending a year, maybe half or less, accumulating: hot pink ashtray, little potted bamboo, comfortable paisley chair because it was marked “free stuff” on the corner. Collect and collect and collect. Push it up, shove it in, swallow it down. The photograph of his tongue on ...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
I am a little uncertain as to why you chose this format. There is a lot of space in between sentences/ paragraphs. Is this an opening to a longer story or the entire story as you intend it? WHy does she have Gavin's cell number if she is so annoyed by him and only sees him in summer? I am also unsure of how old this girl- quite young i am guessing. Where is this beach and why there are bushes and muddy plants there? Give the reader a clearer picture of the setting and characters.
"at the part where we came the closest to losing it, and I can feel yet the pains I felt then" It is a sweet piece but some phrases are a bit unclear (see above- not sure if this is a typo). It is nice to hear how someone else's philosophy has moved you, but I would like to have heard some of your perspectives, not just allusions to examples. It seems the point is made by Satchel and referenced by you.
It's creative but the writing is heavy with exposition.
There is nice imagery, but it is not specific. "On a particular day"- what day? And I think abbreviation does not fit into poetry. "min" Some of the simile does not work for me "like a dud" A dud what? The sky has never been so beautiful. I like this line.
I find this really entertaining and well written. A bright idea. This line doesn't make sense to me: She preens in the water pitcher. The ending seems a bit inconclusive, as if there is more to come. Otherwise, I really like it.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
