Beeshel's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: Antelope, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 07
LOC: Antelope, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 07
Hello, originally from Alaska, now residing in the Sacramento area I’m a stay at home mom who likes reading and writing poetry. I’m a vegetarian who likes cooking organic, healthy, but scrumptious, food. I’m someone who gets a tickle out of finding expensive stuff at thrift stores for, like, four dollars. I’ve been known to wonder about whether or not the glue that is used to wrap the paper around the ice cream cone I’m eating is going to cause cancer. I like things like running my finger across my daughter’s chin to make her smile and scolding my husband for falling asleep on the couch but only after I’ve let his head bob around a few times.
But seriously, I’m having fun reading all of your work and getting feedback. I studied poetr…
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Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
1 Comment
Lights like words Under pressure expose Casts of people who have already gone Inside tempting futures and shown Lies as they were, no, as they are Lying there words are scratching at Each side of the paper Cringing into italic Loud thinking. I will learn her Flow. Small words Trip through tongues Over spitting beams of words that Never capitalize i
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
How rusty it is like still boiling worship. Behind the red winter honey together they smear misty lies. Rob each moment’s shadow fuming at its impertinence, for its part, a frock well deserved. Voicing what latest echo leads backwards, like pulling on strings toward things forsaken in me, denied the honor of reaction again. I work hard, envelope the irritant like a leisurely annealed pearl trained to be allowed so near. My silent wincing so noticeable now. As one’s underwater earthquake oblig...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
2 Comments
It’s time to figure out what is meant by all the words with “ment” pavement, arrangement, estrangement, entanglement, argument, bereavement; how they fit, or don’t like Trace whose parents left without a… Pets and parents are on loan because you can’t have that first moment on the couch without first working limbs in a pace of flame. Force energy into led red of muscle strings until they go flat and tingle. You mistake this for happy or tired depending on the room you’re in at the time decidi...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
He exists as an admix of several days separated by years, joined by my child- like simplicity. Long tufts of hair as if the comb were the wind flurry on a feather. Eyes like mine, one crooked tooth just seen neatly behind brother lips made a voice I can’t find anywhere in memory flicks a football thrown with lack of hair, laughing taking walks. into the army misspelled letters “I broke down.” I keep a picture book with no sound. Why did he meet her scowling ugly wife didn’t really cry at his ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
3 Reviews
1 Comment
When I stand here throbbing like a guitar string, my eyes solicit: roll back into the skull—my voice vibrates ugly when it has to sound sweet. They look at me thinking. I won’t: Do I beep…not talk, in circles do my feet turn and roll? Thumbs, rings, grasp grow sharp. No need for tools. These years have taken nerves and bundled them starved, never enticed severe utility.
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Reviews
Wow...I love this poem. I love the moon, beating sounds and wolf motif to express the wanting and desire. I love the aliteration and the flow. I don't think it needs work. I'm impressed. Great job.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I really like the word play with the word woo and the computer button clicking. However, you need to be careful with trite, overused words like "dreams", "hopes", and "heart". This poem can be really good if you changed those specific words to something less cliche. Also, since the romance is over the internet, try adding some aspect to the poem that would point to that but not in an obvious manner. Further, try describing the supposed sex stanza by adding some descripion. Not intimate detail...
Hello. I really like this poem. It seems so simple but so honest. My favorite part is: "Later that night, When you enter me I feel like Moses Made it to the promise land I come, With milk and honey Back arched like a rainbow. I’m your pot of gold." It's not the most prolific wording, since there are well know phrases like "to the promise land...and with milk and honey", but since you are using them to describe makeing love it acutally works for me. Also, the placement of this stanza works wel...
Wow. I really like this poem a lot. It is just full of aliteration and unique word choices. It comes off as a found poem, almost I should say. I guess I'm visualizing the scene through your owl like eyes.... It's also very gross with the pooping, douching etc. But it works because the speaker's voice never really changes. I do have questions... there are words that I cannot find in the dictionary such as "avalanced...catherters...and toady" who I was thinking might be someone's nickname. I th...
This poem is interesting. Thank you for the imagery. I love the "My will sounds like a zipper, breaking" stanza. That one had me thinking...in a good way. I think some of your lines are too long. Such as "and underwear not so attractive" could be broken up like this: and underwear/ not so/ attractive. Then at the end I don't think you need the "You are." part or maybe you could say it differently. Show, not tell...overall, a good read.
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