Beer_and_Poetry's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: Kokomo, IN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 18
LOC: Kokomo, IN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 18
“Me”
I am me,
I am nothing but,
The persona of my creativity,
The result of my delusional genius,
Aftermath of licentious years,
Reckless abandonment of youth and intellect,
An interlude intertwining passionate dreams,
Embodiment of infinite fantasy,
I am what I want to see,
A reflection of definitive imagery,
Extension of one’s heresy,
Conflicting ideas and constant hypocrisy,
I am not blind to what I am,
For you will find a little of me in everybody,
A little of everybody in me,
I am a lover, a hypocrite and a liar,
Harsh honesty and brutal reality,
Yet I live in constant fantasy,
A fabrication of originality and vagary,
I am the Christian and the sinner,
I do not wish to be anyone else,
Nor shall I impose my li…
Items
Version 1
12 Reviews
11 Comments
In the arena of surreal solitude peace will be found. Cleanse the consciousness of moral impurities. Atone the inner sanctum of one's mind. When Time's cognitive gates burst open allow the flood of insight to cleanse your sins. Carry away the tarry naivety of young ignorance and fertilizing the fresh sod with righteous dogma. As the mind lays open receptive to all knowledge shield it&nbs...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
12 Reviews
8 Comments
My eyes, We meant to see the worlds beauty, Take them, I don't need them now. My lips, To press softly against your own, Take them, I shall never revisit the taste of yours. My hands, To roam your silky skin, Take them, They are not mine. My legs, To walk through hell for you, Take them, For I shall stay with these demons. My soul, Given to me so I may watch over you, One day may you revitalize it, As it slowly fades into umbrage. My voice, To whisper into your ears, May it echo in your h...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
14 Reviews
4 Comments
Soft strokes of keys lull me into a dream, Dark skin to dark hair, Eyes entrapping the spirit within, Spiraling creatively into an ocean of words. Beauty. Honesty. Certainty. Respect. Trust. A kaleidoscope of manufactured colors, Painting a picture of possibilities, Infinite dreams soaking into lifes pores, Sweet serendipity, Smiling solace. Endless. &n...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
5 Reviews
11 Comments
A chilly night, An empty sted, An empty heart, A chilly bed, Sun coated wheat, Rolling hills, Rolling bottles, Coated pills, A lake of tears, A weeping willow, A weeping man, A tear filled pillow, An empty soul, A lost one, A lost cause, An empty gun, A forgotten house, A silent breath, A silent night, A forgotten death.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
17 Reviews
7 Comments
I have found that an empty soul can shine In a dark and gritty world, But what it shines on holds no light. Sharp corners and jagged edges. Erratic placements of doubt block the view of clarity, Permitting the imps of love to lurk in the shadows. Quill claws clinging to the canvas surfaces, Allowing only the IDEA of love to drip from their fingertips. My fingertips. Exhaustingly I fight these creatures on papyrus battlegrounds, Keeping them at bay with pigmented swordplay, Swift strokes with ...
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
Stanza 3 last line: I think I see a typo...stickly should be stickily. Other than that another thing I saw that distracted me was the lack of punctuation the end of each stanza. However I am getting criticized for being too "technical"; that's just how I see it though. The last critique I have for it concerns the last line. Is it the pain of broken glass you are trying to convey or the physical pain you receive from broken glass if you are cut by it. the way you are wording it now is relating...
The idea of this poem is interesting. I feel it and I think you convey your thoughts sharply and concise. Maybe if you put an adjective in front of each piece, to provide for sharper images, it would make it a more intense read. Other than that there is not much more advice or criticism I can give. Keep it up and I will check out more of your work....if I haven't already.
This poem reads like it should be in quatrain structure. Line 6 I think breathy or celestial could be removed to improve the flow here. Line 12 I think perhaps changing never to not may also improve the flow. The rest of the piece was pretty fluid; these two lines however felt like bumps along the path. I think they cause the reader to stumble and slow down a little. Which could throw off their entire experience. I do like this particular work and the old English dialect you decided to go wit...
Stanza 1 line 2: I think the meter would flow better if you put in an adjective for spire. Last two lines need punctuation...or at least the last one. Stanza 2 line 1: Here too...I think putting an adjective in for the birds would better the flow. Stanza 4 last line: I would take away the ellipsis in this line to also provide for a better flow. All and all...decent piece. I enjoyed the whimsical feeling I received from this. I think ,with the exception of the 3 recommendations, that it has a ...
I'm glad to see that you rid this of the extra line breaks. It reads more fluently...was that just an Urbis mistake? I was going to mention it in my last review....didn't know if it was intentional or not. *shifty eyes* Dang Urbis formatting. Other than that still a beautiful piece and theres really nothing I can add that I didn't put in the last review.
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