okay, editorially speaking, 1. "with" should be capitalized, as it is the first word. 2. "from her lips" deserves a comma afterward 3. "The" (beginning of line 4) does not require capitalization. otherwise, beautiful image-and who cares if it's cliche? tis sweet, sensual, and full of emotion. only, it leaves me wanting more....is there any more?

"delightful" isn't the word i'm looking for, but i am at a loss. excellence in abundance here. editorially, a bit of extra punctuation would be beneficial. 1. line 2-semicolon or period after "sides" 2. line 5-semicolon, perhaps leading to a period at the end of line 7 3. line 9-something after "fog" okay, I won't go on, but you get the point. beautiful. intelligent. eloquent.

punctuation and grammar: 1. line 2-"the ones that"..."that" should be "who" 2. line 5-"sex" needs a comma after it 3. line 9-there should be a comma after "strong men" 4. line 11-there should be a comma after "fall" other : 1. line 1-is "stupidest" even a word? 2. line 3-you'd do better without the word "it" 3. lines 3 and 4 are an incomplete sentence 4. lines 7 and 8 are also an incomplete sentence overall, i found this to be poorly constructed with weak rhyme and an oppressed flow.

absolutely lovely. I have only one point of observation: there is a comma after L3, but nothing after L1. is that because "dreamlike" is the end of a "sentence"? if not, perhaps a bit of punctuation would be of value. editorially, i am left hanging. otherwise, i am moved. :)

what i like most about this is the "readability" (not a real word, i think). you carry the plot well, and the dialogue. a few editorail points: 1. pg 1 paragraph 1 is set in a different tense than pg 1 paragraph 2-in parag.2, the "had"s in the first 2 lines should be removed. 2. pg 1 paragraph 3 line 2 should be "...reached the other side. Suddenly..." because they are two complete sentences and a comma makes them one running sentence. 3. pg 1 prgrph 3 line 3 i would suggest swapping the plac...

As far as being publishable, the story is just not polished enough. On the first page, especially within the first half, the tense switches around a bit. It's pretty solid as far as proper punctuation and such, and the subject matter is good. On the third page, however, it seems a bit off that Joel doesn't know which coin is 25 cents, but he is very clear on the number of dimes, quarters and pennies. Also, on page one, the phrase "I know it" appears twice in the same line of text. This is a g...

this is a well-put together blurb. In just a few short sentences, the reader is hooked with the promise of a good read, and meanwhile, nothing is given away. I have nothing editorially.

the imagery here is great. the second line with the repeated "s" is especially clever. editorially, there seems to be random punctuation. i would suggest either tighten it up or let it go, because with the form the way it is right now, it could do without. it flows like prose that yearns for higher structure. beautiful.

first, editorial comments. page 1 pg 1 1. line 1 needs a comma after "rope" 2. last line remove "her friend" before "Hanna", as "friend" is used twice page 1 last pg 1. line 2 "reason's" needs no apostrophe 2. no need to explain "best friend since childhood" again 3. line beginning "Not even Hannah" runs. it would be more effective split into two lines supporting the same idea not much else structurally. good content with a Wiccan twist-i like that. The dialog on pg 1 seems to go a bit too fa...

it seems that there is a deeper story behind this poem. it almost sounds Shakespearean in parts. the vocabulary usage is good, but the chosen "feel" the words bring to the poem combined with the wide variations in meter between stanzas can be jarring, making the piece harder to read . in order for this to be publishable, it needs proper punctuation and some good editing.