Avia_Thorne's profile

Avia_Thorne avatar
AGE: 28
LOC: Colorado Springs, CO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 04

Hey everyone, I’m Avia and I’m here to work on my craft. I need a lot of polishing, yes, but I do not and will not change any of my subject matter, as it came from deep inside. It is what it is. I absolutely welcome open, honest, and constructive critiques. If you don’t have the time or desire, please just skip me.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Haiku/Senryu / Stone Mother
Version 1
11 Reviews   15 Comments
Petrified angel With your eyes of fire and blade Rise against the light
Ratings & Rankings
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Prologue Version 2
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
A brief history of the world I shall tell you the story of a time when the darkness of days unnumbered lay thick upon the face of the earth; where passion and madness entangled each other. With horror creeping slowly over every threshold, and blackness so dank it suffocates every pore, the human element crumbled away to insanity. At the dawn of the twenty-second century, mankind was ripe with power. The human race rejoiced in its dominion over the planet, thrilled at their brilliant mastery ...
Ratings & Rankings
Novel Treatments / Prologue
Version 1
9 Reviews   19 Comments
Prologue A brief history of the world At the dawn of the twenty-second century, mankind was ripe with power. The human race rejoiced in its dominion over the planet, thrilled at their brilliant mastery of things- like a giant child under a synthetic pine on Christmas morning. Life expectancy had almost doubled since the early 2000’s, thanks to many great technological advances in “New Medicine”, including cloning and biochemical research. The issue of cloning, while in the past had been somet...
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Version 1
3 Reviews   1 Comment
Last night I danced with the dead- a promenade of peril. I slink across the ground, toes on point, and skim just above the open graves. My army of death Spreads over the face of this toxic wasteland in a wave of vampiric desiccation, just as her blood spread all over her carpet. I made love to her with blade and fury, Spread her open and removed all that Had made her woman. I lusted For life, so I took hers in a Blast of Hellfire, razor shards in the wind. I bore her down to the place of eter...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Exodus
Version 1
3 Reviews   3 Comments
Exodus The night descends and here you are, haunting me- from three thousand miles and three million memories away. Clutching my heartstrings you pull- hard until they snap, and I watch you swing out-far over the deep black ink of the dream sea. Our star blinks cold and empty against the forever. You won’t let go-and you won’t come back. I am twisting and all the world seems to shrink.
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
Poetry / In Shadow
it seems that there is a deeper story behind this poem. it almost sounds Shakespearean in parts. the vocabulary usage is good, but the chosen "feel" the words bring to the poem combined with the wide variations in meter between stanzas can be jarring, making the piece harder to read . in order for this to be publishable, it needs proper punctuation and some good editing.
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Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / Exert from novel
first, editorial comments. page 1 pg 1 1. line 1 needs a comma after "rope" 2. last line remove "her friend" before "Hanna", as "friend" is used twice page 1 last pg 1. line 2 "reason's" needs no apostrophe 2. no need to explain "best friend since childhood" again 3. line beginning "Not even Hannah" runs. it would be more effective split into two lines supporting the same idea not much else structurally. good content with a Wiccan twist-i like that. The dialog on pg 1 seems to go a bit too fa...
the imagery here is great. the second line with the repeated "s" is especially clever. editorially, there seems to be random punctuation. i would suggest either tighten it up or let it go, because with the form the way it is right now, it could do without. it flows like prose that yearns for higher structure. beautiful.
Lyrics / American Blue
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