Athanareiks's profile

I always appreciate it when traditional "baddies" are portrayed as beings that have the same fears and aspirations as "humans". I think it gives them more layers than just being bad guys that need slaying and more opportunity to flesh them out and blur the good/evil lines. For the family of vampires that you have here, I like that you've conveyed that they're vampires without explicitly saying it. However, I feel as though for this story you've mixed a lot of myths about the vampires together...

Nice and short but fun. It's an easy read for beginners and has items most children should easily be able to imagine. If I had to suggest any changes they would be these: That she got (change "got" to "bought") at the mall. Think I( change I to "I've") finally got it, Otherwise, very nice.

I like the overall theme of this story about saying please but there are a few layered morals underneath that: Giving people the benefit of the doubt, keeping your eye on what's important, and reaping what you sow. This story is rife with lessons without being preachy and I appreciate that in a story. Jackson's is incorrect, if I'm not mistaken, unless you are expressing possession. Jacksons should be the correct word to use in most of those cases. There weren't many typos beyond that. In the...