Astral_God_88's profile
AGE:
32
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 15
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 15
A writer of both science fiction and fantasty pieces looking to improve his writing and to help other people to improve as well.
My biggest goal is to have my work published, but I’m always willing to learn and to network with other writers.
If you want to know more than that, just ask.
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
3 Comments
Tath knelt in the dirt of the hut, squinting at the painted bones the shaman had just cast. Beads of sweat rolled down his skin from the heat of the three fires burning in the hut. The God of the sky whispered things to Unkai, showing the old man hints of the future. Spitting into the dirt, the shaman scooped up the bones in a wrinkled hand and tossed them once more. He hissed, cocking his head. Tath's eyes watered, the bowls of burning incense and herbs drifting across the smoky hut with the...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
11 Reviews
11 Comments
"This will be your final lesson." The alchemist grasped an iron with his age spotted hand, using it to stir the dying remnants smoldering in the fireplace. Lantes brought over the heavy, cast iron tea pot and hung it above the weak flames. He searched out another piece of wood and carefully set it atop the fire. "Have seven years sped by so quick?" The damp, solid walls of the old round tower closed comfortably about the pair. The tower, with its bowing shelves and endless stacks of dusty to...
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Reviews
There might be something workable out of what you have so far. There's some character inklings with Elliot and the girl, but I felt there were some inconsistencies - such as Elliot trying to score a dead man's wife in one sentence and the next saying he felt for her - That line just felt out of place, like it needed some bracing to actually fit. What you have could keep a reader interested if they were into the horror genre. People are dying for mysterious reasons and you introduce the hole b...
First off, too many uses of the word "knickers." The first use sets them in the reader's mind, the rest just seem like way too much ... especially since you use the word in three sentences that are right next to each other. You also use the house elf's name way too often instead of just using pronouns. It detracts from the flow of the story. You've got a typo ... pain thinner? I would guess you meant paint thinner there. I felt this would have been better with some dialogue. Yes, I know the h...
Having done a number of comic scripts myself over the years, I can tell you right now that your work is far too sparse on the details. We don't even know the pair are brother and sister until halfway through the work, which is an important detail to any artist who'll be drawing it. Artists thrive on details, they need to know exactly what they're drawing. This is quite unlike what we seek to practice as writers, to avoid character descriptions and to not fill in too many details. Take your fi...
10 gold for a worthless flophouse bed? I know that you based this off of a video game, but that is an outrageous price for someone like myself studdied in medieval history. Most people would have never seen a gold coin, or earn one in their entire lives. This whole D&D scenario using gold coins for everything just annoys me greatly. Most merchants did their business in coppers and silver. Lords did theirs in gold. All that aside, your writing is fairly good. This piece doesn't strike me as a ...
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