-In the beginning, when the boy calls for the nurse when the main character wakes up, it just doesn't sound realistic. I've been in a situation like that and when the person wakes up, everybody gets exited, yes, but they don't freak out and call the nurse. Well, do what ever you want, I mean, some people may do that but it just doesn't sound realistic to me. -This is really cool, the way you tell the story. And your descriptions are so vivid, that is what kept me reading. I especially love th...

Lol what I just read is very similar to what I feel about going to my school. I think that you should at least put some positive thoughts in there, or just not sound SO horribly misreable. Maybe if you made your character misreable in the innocent way, people would be able to relate more. Right now she just seems so mean and irritable, not the kind of person I would be friends with. It's true that a lot of people will be able to relate to Karen with their hatred towards school, but they might...

I really liked this. You are good at telling the story. Then sentences flow well, and you take something simple and make it interesting by the way you describe things. I want to read more! This chapter doesn't even have a plot, but you wrote it so well that I'm still interested! I would love to see this published, keep working on it, I'm really curios to see where you'll go with it! Here is a typo I found: "Yet, that’s what I was called. Phoenix Circle." You need to replace "I" with "it".

This is very good, yes, but there is wayyyy too much information there. The background just goes on and on and thats just boring. Show me some action and put tidbits of background in gradually. You have to make the reader care about your character before you put in all the details. Tolkien got away with it, but people just don't tolerate that any more. I do think that this has to potential to be very good. You have a good style of writing and it all flows very well, but I just find myself lac...

This is good. I can tell you worked really hard on it. It has a great meaning in it that people will be able to relate to. Some things in here are confusing. Like, I don't get the beginning part about the condoms, what does that have to do with the plot?

Gosh, I wish you'd put more up there! I think you have got a good start here. Your writing style is very mature for your age. When I was fourteen, I wrote the most retarded stories! In the Notes For the Reviewer, that whole paragraph you wrote just doesn't make sense. It lacks punctuation and I have a hard time trying to figure out what you mean. That is not really important, but you want your reviewers to understand. Your character is good, nothing is cliche. You could learn how to make your...

-What I really like about this piece is how interesting everything is! You have done a very good job with the plot. I really enjoyed reading this! -I think it’s interesting that your characters are so unique. Most people write cookie cutter characters. This adds a realness element to your story. I really like that! But after a while it seems to be too much. You just keep introducing new characters. I can’t keep track of them all, its way to much for one chapter. I can see where you are going ...

So far so good. I did see some spelling and grammar mistakes though. I liked this a lot. It is so comical. You have a perfect writing style. I love how you describe every one especially when you say Sacha is only good at shopping. This is definitely publishing material.

Your characters are likable and believable and your plot is fun to read. Occasionally you have two words stuck together and they need a space, unless you are doing that on purpose in the dialogue. Greenie's dad is this perfect person that Greenie tragically lost, which is cliche. I like what you do with it, but maybe you could try not to make his dad so perfect all the time. I do like him the way he is though, its just a suggestion. Keep up the good work!

The is creatively written, and I really liked it. I think you should try and make it longer.