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AnnEnglish's profile
AGE:
64
LOC: New Zealand
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 31
LOC: New Zealand
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 31
Ann English is a journalist and teacher in Christchurch, New Zealand. There are only four million New Zealanders but they’ve trademarked the clean green nuclear-free image as well as acquiring, it seems, a large number of awards for creativity and entertainment. Ann’s stories reflect the country and its many different people. “Hi,” says Ann. “I cannot hope that you, the reader, will agree with everything my characters say, but I do hope you will not be offended and that you will be entertained.”
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Morning's Glory From Chapter 8 At an intersection, the flutter of an umbrella and the smell of fresh bread attracted their attention. They spoke at the same instant. “Wanna coffee?” It was the work of a moment to park in the sunshine and sit in the shade. “Do you all have bicycles?” David asked, when they were settled and occupying themselves with coffee-plunging and with croissants. Carolyn wasn’t going to imagine that his glance was one of admiration for her figure and approval of a healthy...
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Version 1
47 Reviews
8 Comments
"Morning's Glory", by Ann English From Chapter 19 David made an effort to relax. He leaned back against a wall. Carolyn felt less pressured, and took a step forwards to keep him within arms length. “Do I frighten you?” David asked. Again Carolyn could reply at once. “It isn’t you who frightens me. I frighten myself by my reaction to you. I feel as if I was playing — as if WE were playing — with petrol and matches. Everything could blow up in my face.” “Woman is fire,” growled David, as if he ...
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Version 1
47 Reviews
6 Comments
“Morning’s Glory” by Ann English from Chapter 21 Carolyn checked the deserted kitchen for cameras and sensors. Well, there wouldn't be heat sensors in a kitchen. She put down the tin she'd liberated from a storeroom. "It's a truth universally acknowledged that if you're going to sup with the devil" -- she pulled out a drawer -- "use a long-handled spoon." There was nothing for Carolyn to do. The children's supper waited, all prepared. She levered the lid off the tin. "Self-indulgence is the o...
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I didn't read the prologue. There's enough back-story here to establish Rachel, and more than enough to establish the twins. It is a delight to see good English free of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Some points that may be helpful: It wasn't clear to me at first reading why the twins were going to a hotel. Avoid adverbs (breathlessly, firmly, laughingly, almost before, to herself). They do not add strength to weak verbs. They weaken strong verbs. I cannot believe that Rachel did n...
I have two suggestions. I hope they are useful. The first is to show action with verbs and dialogue, not by telling what happened. Example: No one had paid her any attention when her car had unceremoniously skidded to a stop in front of a row of storefronts. Fortunately, after sitting in her car for only a moment a man, the one helping her now, had offered his assistance. Suggestion: The car slewed and shuddered. She wrestled with the steering. The old crate nearly rammed a shop verandah. "He...
The historical present tense is okay. Be careful of tense slippages. Quote "We arrived ... Tonight it was ... Things get blurry ... Melissa decides " The next quote is a voice slippage, not a verb slippage. Instead of presenting the facts, the writer is commenting on the facts. This can be okay if the writer knows what they're doing. Discourse markers are a good idea. "I do seem to recall ... It was all quite a disgusting scene" Avoid adverbs. In my opinion they weaken and confuse the writing...
I'm sorry that I could not follow the thought or the images. This may be my misfortune, not the poem's. I did not understand these words: "Life ceased to be" "Be" probably doesn't have a word after it. It's the "existing" kind of "be." Whose life stopped? All life? The poet's life? "illusions are empty." "I am but an entity" The word "but" is odd. Perhaps "entity" is a misprint for "nullity". I can't say. "A Godless spec" Speck with a K? Spec(ification)? Spec(ulation)? "in the folds of humani...
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