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Alexis1's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 17
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 17
Frick life sucks sometimes.
I just want to pass out and wake up next spring.
Reading sister’s friend’s blog:
http://diaryoflosses.blogspot.com/
Items
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Chapter 8: Peaks When Braden and I pulled into the clearing of dry grass that was being used as a parking lot up at Peaks the party was already in full swing. We’d spent the rest of the drive in a comfortable silence; me enjoying the warmth of his body around mine, and him focusing on the windy curves up to Peaks. Braden cut the engine and I reluctantly disentangled myself from him and got out. Jefferson arrived a few seconds after us and skidded to a stop next to Braden’s car. Brian got out ...
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Chapter 7: MCH vs. Vispert High… It was Monday morning cheerleading practice and Beth was screaming at us like a bunch of deaf ditties. The gray clouds in the sky followed up with a light sprinkling of rain only added to the melancholy mood the day. MCH’s football team was playing a home game against Vispert High on Friday, so naturally Beth was having a panic attack trying to get us all ready. We were running through our routine every five minutes and doing more crunches than I’d though huma...
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Chapter 6 – The First Three My next week went by in a blur. It started Monday morning with cheer practice. Beth was true to her word and nobody heard of my drunken stupidity. She did work our whole squad’s asses off though. What made it worse was that I still had track practices to go along with cheering everyday. My times were getting better and so were my handsprings. Since I was so busy with my sports I realized that I didn’t have enough time to do my homework and study. Once I got home I ...
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Chapter 5-A Movie “Misty!” Michel yelled, banging against my door, yanking me out of my much needed slumber. “Braden called and said he’d be fifteen minutes late!” “Okay.” I answered groggily. Braden, what was Braden late for? Oh…shit! My first date with Braden and I’d totally forgotten! I looked at the clock. 6:30pm. With Braden being 15 minutes late that gave me forty-five minutes to get ready. I sighed, ok, I can do this. I quickly leapt off my bed and ran to my closet to pick out some clo...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Chapter 4 ~ Cheerleading tryouts and a party “Okay everyone, it’s been a while since we’ve broken you into groups to learn your little routines. Now we’re going to call the groups up one by one to show us what they’ve got and we’ll pick out who we want for our squad this year” Beth sat in the middle of a long table with the rest of the veteran squad waiting to pick apart the newbies. Me and Alex’s group were second to go. It was getting hot outside on the field and the smell of freshly mowed ...
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Reviews
The writing itself isn't awful, but you just kind of rushed through everything as thought you were in a contest on who could spit out their story first. Seemed like a bit of rambling. I do like the way you expressed the chaotic, ungrateful behavior of the girl and his strange attachment to it. Love often contains those unexplainable aspects. Those repellents and attractions that to any outsider make know sense, but yet somehow to you it seems like the only logic in the world. I don't know wha...
I'd try to avoid adjectives like pretty, really, very, etc. Also, things like 'even' There's a few little errors in some sentences, like missing words, that you should be able to fix up with a proof. Personally, the lack of capital letters kind of distracts me when I read. Also, I don't really like the short paragraph structure. Aside from that I felt this piece was well written and smooth. The coin fits in nicely and the plot develops in an intriguing way. The alcoholism is well portrayed an...
It's definitely written on a level that many teens will relate to and be interested in. I found the spelling and grammar errors kind of distracting though. Things like mixing up the 'theres' and using 'then' instead of 'than'. Some of the writing's kind of flighty too. I realize it's a diary, but for an intro the style seems rushed, if that makes sense. I know you're trying to get to the story as fast as possible, but the style's rushed. You can keep the info at the same pace without rushing ...
The beats were way too forced. It was kind of cute though. Lark doesn't really fit and it kind of messes up the focus of the rhyme. The commas in the middle of lines mess up the beats too. I especially don't like the 'now' in the last line. I think you could change it up a bit to make it a lot better.
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