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AlexMadlinger's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: Mechanicsville, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 01
LOC: Mechanicsville, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 01
Hey, I’m glad to be here. I’m pretty new to Urbis, and I’m pleased with what I see.
I was a “big-name” popular author on a smaller (but not too small) online writing forum, recieving thousands of comments every month. I was a little worried about coming in here and being ripped apart by all the really good people here. So far I haven’t gotten maimed. XD
I’ll give you a hint. I HATE it when people say “I’m in college so I’m better than you.” I was offering someone a little critique, and she replied “Please understand being twenty-three and in college as a writing major has made me a better writer than you.”
I was a.n.g.r.y. Fortunately for me, she got about 30,000 PMs telling her I was about 30,000 times better than her. XD
I…
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Homecoming To Stephanie Meyer: Dang, you're good. He surprised me when he came through the door. I stood by the kitchen window, rinsing dishes in the sink. The plates clanked loudly, hiding the creak of the hinges; I didn't know he was there until his arms snaked around my waist. I jerked at first, startled, but the warmth of his touch was so familiar to me that I surrendered to it by instinct. I placed my hands over his, leaning back against his chest and looking up so I could see his face....
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Alixander Fey: Heritage. Part one of the DragonKnight Quintet The Prophecy the ring is broken—now at last gone the master of the past another soul must rise and bring hope again—on hidden wing a ring—once more—must needs be forged charged with pow’r from Aduil’s gorge take now this gift—from heaven’s sky bear it up and wield it high but more than this your quest requires —even now there burneth fires— retrieve the stone of ancient race banished now from Aduil’s face now with this power you wi...
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I don't want to go through and say this sentence had this error and that sentence had this error. Instead I am going to write a long rant. You can look at my profile, think that I am a seventeen year old jerk, and ignore it. Or you can take it to heart and improve ten-fold. 1.) Strong words. You need to look at every single word and make sure that each word is the best it an be. No you cannot always use the strongest word because of repitition but you can make sure each word is good. "Alex lo...
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Here you go... check this... “I’m all right. I have to be. I’ll rise to the challenge. I’m not sure how, but I’ll do it. I guess I’m too stubborn to fold up and quit.” She shrugged. “Apparently, it takes more than an attempt on my life to make me quit.” You repeat quit twice. I'm just posting here because this got put back on my list of things to critique. I don't know why cause I already did this... but hey whatever. XD Sorry to bother you again but I wanted to get this off my list since I'v...
The windshield wipers couldn’t move water quickly enough to keep up with the storm, strong winds pushed at my small car, Change that first comma to a semicolon. "storm; strong winds pushed..." and never ending buckets of rain that were now coming down at a harsh angle Here, you need to make "never ending" "never-ending." It's a compound adjective. This one had been left unmarked, with perfect boring white walls. It was just right for me – no disgusting, flowery human decor or personal touches...
Well well well... First off, I like the name. XD Second, the first sentence was really, really long and stringy. I've seen it work, but if you want to do that you need to make sure it is very polished. Third, you don't say 23. She's twenty-three. If it's a number like 2354355235, you can use numerals. But if you can say it in two words or less (dashed words count as one =P) you need to use words. Fourth, hospital ER room is redundant. Take out hospital and you could even take out room. “Alex,...
"Years of babies being born with hideous defects or dead, was enough." You don't need that comma. "She employed the most reknowned doctors and scientists and added the best teachers and professors to her ever growing followers." Change followers to following. "In time, she fought to be the new leader that everyone wanted, needed, and things soon changed." I understand and even like what you are trying to do here, but you need to not use a comma between wanted and needed. Perhaps a dash? Just ...
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