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AGE:
27
LAST LOGIN: November 24
LAST LOGIN: November 24
Horrified to let anyone read anything I write because I’m an emotional cripple.
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Version 1
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Head first into the neon brush, And that is what I always admired About you, Completely lacking form or consequence. Bristle-thorned and lovingly scraped Smiling past pain to gaze at me, arms bursting with roses. Providing free beauty at any cost. Then you would tail each sentence in penitence and loathing begging chances back, reminiscing over burnt spoons, empty bottles. Each word finding a home, filed deep and logical in my nest of fear. Stop asking what's wrong, look up from the ground, S...
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Version 1
4 Reviews
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I wonder what she looks like in the rain, gossamer white soaked to the skin the complexities of God reflected in a curving hip, dewey lips. I have watched her live: spiraling skin from apples standing before a mirror in judgement of herself her worth. I have conjured her in the night to fight my battles and skim sand from my eyes. For these demons my longing has spawned despair, divine and sinful. Though perfect pain has born me to this place, and lonliness has set its seed, I still contempla...
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We all suck here. We're desperate for someone to read our work and say something even remotely positive. How do you tell someone "I only reviewed your crap so that I might read my own reviews?" How do you tell some seventeen year old with an abnormally narrow view of life that their journal entries are boring and worthless to the rest of society? You don't. Whatever. Just hold up a mirror to your writing.
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"Golden furred and amber eyed" is a great way to start out this poem, but I think some of your images are a bit cliched: "strikes fear into evil/and hope into the good." This isn't something fresh and bogs down the middle of your poem, which I feel is the only weak point. "O, not a tame lion is he/Asian, Son of the Emperor over the Sea" is a great repetiton of the opening lines, bringing this sort of ode to a powerful and satisfying close. What you give us is enough for me to want more. I don...
The emotion in this piece is raw and truthful. You are honest and vulnerable. It reads more like a journal entry than anything else, and I feel it would benefit from more detail. Specific instances or events could give this more weight and substance. Take these emotions, thoughts of loss, and attatch them to concrete memories. Thank you for sharing with us.
"I was alive that is for certain" I think this is a fantastic opening. It's intriguing enough to capture, yet broad in scope so as not give the reader everything at once. This is obviously a personal poem, meaning more to the author than it could ever mean to me, but I am able to relate on my own level, apply it to my notions of loss and doubt. The line "I think I remember" is vague and gives nothing to the rest of the poem. In fact, I feel it to be a bit jarring. This is probably the most ov...
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