Aachen's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Frederick, SD
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 16
LOC: Frederick, SD
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 16
Grew up in Brown County, South Dakota.
Wandering the United States for years. I’ve started classes at NSU (So.Dak.).
I have my ideas (and shamelessly plundered ones, as well) about the craft of writing. Although I’ll branch out, my focus has been poetics.
Words are the ingredients. Techniques are the tools and directions. Who wants some brownies?
Ten musicians: Amon Tobin, Miles Davis, Chopin, the Beatles, Van Morrison, Tom Waits, the Clash, Kid Koala, the Refused, and Elliott Smith.
Highly esteemed writers include: Richard Brautigan, Gregory Corso, e e cummings, T. S. Eliot, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Herman Hesse, Jack Kerouac, George Orwell, Wallace Stevens, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Heller.
Items
Version 2
11 Reviews
1 Comment
Not a tragedy to be kept in books, not a lament of the wake or graveside, not the scorned measures of the practice room. Then what is it? Guilt is glue laid thick. At night, I shut the door tight, lie in bed and listen as the cats scratch and cry out: The living room is cool, the bed is warm. Who cares to hear? Do you fear a con? The cats will call, tear at the carpet, while I sleep. Do you see this absurdity for what it is? They try evéry night — Stupid. You make too much of cats and cold. N...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
2 Reviews
4 Comments
Not a tragedy to be kept in books, not a lament of the wake or graveside, not the scorned measures of the practice room. Then what is it? Guilt is glue layed thick. At night, I shut the door tight, lay in bed and listen as the cats scratch and cry out: The living room is cool, the bed is warm. Who cares to hear? Do you fear a con? The cats will call, tear at the carpet, while I sleep. Do you see this absurdity for what it is? They try evéry night — Stupid. You make too much of cats and cold. ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
12 Reviews
7 Comments
Dissolution is a sea, a sad sea; yet its salt is contrary: do not weep. Hollow men do not drown. This buoyant property is the race’s damnation. Do not weep: the damned do not care, do not seek the secret seaweed. The wide waves, the Gestalt, are unmoved by parched cries and crude paddles as they are unmoved by airless bacteria. The bends are an escape, but not a final freedom. Friend, deflate, and let our bones abandon the debate.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
17 Reviews
22 Comments
young chinese elm rotten tractor-tire neither blooms
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
19 Reviews
3 Comments
Mountains as attainments: Boulders, frost, thin air-- You liar, you fool! Alms, alms fistful of salt fruitless branch all of yr. faults No attainment Empty stomach Me: liar, fool!
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
Overall, cohesive, concise and clear. Lots of interesting nuance to examine. The title is a bit flat, though. The hyphenated "sky-punching" appears the intent in one. "Collapse" strikes me as inapt; it may be the interrelation with "punching." Is another option available? Line three: "gravity's," properly. Four: "clouds'." As "nozzles" is the subject, the end-line comma is unnecessary and contrary. Though the image escapes a near-cliché, I think, "nozzles" and "curtains" are a bit mixed. "In ...
It seems devoid of the fundamental haiku conventions, content to count syllables while interjecting persona, avoiding vivid images, touching on a sensitive subject and resisting the seasonal call. Disregarding so many of the formal conventions is perilous. Overall, words are not wasted. The last line could be strengthened by allusion to a Japanese haiku writer. Strictly, one's comma splices the phrases. A full stop, semicolon, or colon is better.
Lack of punctuation coupled with what appear arbitrary line breaks weaken the text. It is direct, but the final phrasing doesn't stand up well as framed. In two, I presume the hyphenated "wayed" intends a stress on the "-ed." Three has little reason to be its own line, and "yet" may be more precise. As phrased, "to loosen" appears to be transitive (pronoun "it" as object would work. On this line, a metaphor could be built around the tongue and the lash. Six drops an article. "Village idiot" i...
Solid enough. In line one, "among" is more apt than "in." "With" could be removed if one gains an end-line comma. Line three could be clearer. Line four is dodgy; it's a stretch that a flimsy airplane could function as an intrasolar shuttle. It plays up the "childish games," certainly. However, "war" seems entirely subducted; where did it go? And why Mars before the East? Also, why do you opt for a fragment in line five? The extra pause?
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