This seems to be the only way that I can communicate with you at the moment. I can say as much as I would or would not like to say and you can stop reading any time. That’s the only downside. I can say so much and perhaps none of it will ever be heard. That seems to be the case regardless. I’m always trying to tell you something in songs, in words, in actions or with the frequently flawed combination of my mind and my mouth. You still refuse to distinguish between the reality of a feeling tha...

Sunday I drove by you and felt an immediate sensation that the vacancy in my heart was going to collapse in upon itself. I sent you a text message wishing you a good day to keep some vestige of life in that wasteland. That spawned work, and your wanting to see me to say something. You sounded quite jovial in your text messaging, I abstained from too much tone. Whatever the news, it wasn’t immediate enough to stop two days from passing, but now it’s Tuesday, I’m leaving for Canada tomorrow mor...

A babysitter is sitting on the other end of the couch waiting for dad to drive her home. She is on the phone, laughing, fiddling her foot around, and saying “I love you” to her boyfriend. Naturally, I’m thinking of you. I remember our first encounter where I was swept up into your eyes and your smile and your warmth after trudging through the cold December night to the dreaded banquet. I remember my eyes widening, my heart filling up a little more than usual, and taking a deep breath. I remem...

It is October 28, 2004. Yesterday we had what could have been the last true talk we may ever have. It didn’t go too well. I have no recourse but to try to let you go. It hasn’t gone too well so far. It’s 1:15 am. I assume you won’t be calling back tonight (this morning) and so I’ve decided to try and capture what I can in what manner I can most clearly convey my thoughts; not that I’m ever thinking wholly clearly thinking when thinking of you, but such is life. I finally smoked my graduation ...

These letters never seem to find me at peace. I’ve been told that happiness writes blank. So here I am again. As far as Wed. Jan. 14 goes, I can’t think of a worse day in my life, which is saying quite a bit considering a few I’ve been through. What makes it so bad is that I was madly in love with you until about 21:00, then after the movie I woke up to a few repeated revelations. I finally know what you always meant when you said you felt like we were breaking up every time we spoke. I think...

I have prayed that prayer. The one where I ask God that you would fall in love, and not with me, but with the one best suited to love you. With someone who makes you laugh. With someone who can comfort you. With a prince, who will sweep you off of your feet, be it at a ball, or on horseback. With a lover who will be sensitive, sharing and considerate to you, his beloved, in all that you do. With someone you can talk to, even about me and anything or anyone in your life. With one who will was...

I can’t promise that this will be the last of these but it certainly has that potential. The truth is, the sequence of my “relationships” (since they never seem to develop beyond quotations except in my head) is that commitment comes first, then love, then my first kiss, and that’s as far as I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing, but kissing has stopped and love is ebbing away so it follows that my commitment to you will eventually erode as well. C’est la vie. I cannot help but feel unwelcome...

You are the first person I have ever said ‘I love you’ to knowing what it was I was saying. And so this is the first time, that I’ve ever really known, what I’ve always imagined myself to suffer, unrequited love. I don’t know if time has just passed quicker for you, but I’ve barely counted 13 days, let alone days of years, and found myself here. I hope you never have to feel the feeling of insignificance that accompanies the rejection of the best you think you have to offer. I doubt you will...

I’m on the train again, with no desire to do anything but speak to you, somehow, which I so often neglect when I have the opportunity, and so resort to this: my refuge in the written word. I won’t say that I miss you yet… I’m still carrying the smile you left me last night. But as the distance grows between home and I, the spider’s web, spun as fine as you so often claim to be, begins to stretch beyond its capacity. Soon I’ll realize that I won’t see you tonight… or tomorrow… or for some day...

I’m here in Jersey, on LBI, in the house, on the couch, typing. That said, you probably won’t be able to pin down the moment(s) I’m trying to convey this message to you. If it helps, you’re on the phone… I doubt that will help. It really doesn’t matter when this was composed; more so how. I’ve been thinking. Not to be confused with ignoring or shunning or moping or any of the things I may have appeared to be… it’s just been thinking… a lot of it. First and foremost, I want to apologize for n...