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AGE:
18
LOC: West Palm Beach, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 07
LOC: West Palm Beach, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 07
I’m just a minor that wants to get somewhere in the world of writing with the help of my odd quirks.
Items
Version 3
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Tashi made the dining room spotless by three in the morning. The man had gone around midnight to see to a few things in town. Tashi couldn’t be sure of what, but he graciously told her he’d be back by morning. She was almost hoping to see him again before she left the Inn for the night, but she decided it was best not to dwell. He was different. She could feel it somehow, and it only intrigued her further. She was quick to leave the Inn after that, careful of taking back roads in the dark whe...
Version 2
1 Review
1 Comment
Tashi made the dining room spotless by three in the morning. The man had gone around midnight to see to a few things in town. Tashi couldn’t be sure of what, but he graciously told her he’d be back by morning. She was almost hoping to see him again before she left the Inn for the night, but she decided it was best not to dwell. He was different. She could feel it somehow, and it got her curiosity going. She was quick to leave the Inn after that, careful of taking back roads in the dark when t...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Tashi made the dining room spotless by three in the morning. The man had gone around midnight to see to a few things in town. Tashi couldn’t be sure of what, but he graciously told her he’d be back by morning. She was hoping to see him again before she left the Inn for the night, but she decided it was best not to dwell. She was quick to leave the Inn after that, careful of taking back roads in the dark when there was no one around, at least seemingly. Tashi lived a good thirty minutes away f...
Version 2
6 Reviews
1 Comment
Tashi came through the kitchen doors backwards, not intending to carry her tray with one hand for any length of time. She was careful to keep out of the patrons’ and her fellow waiters’ and waitress’ way, though she couldn’t escape being bumped once or twice. As she worked, there was a constant blush in her cheeks, the length of her dress only going to just above her knees making her a bit self conscious around the drunken men. Her shoes tapped the wooden floor, making a soft sound that none ...
Version 1
4 Reviews
8 Comments
Tashi came through the kitchen doors backwards, not intending to carry her tray with one hand for any length of time. She was careful to keep out of the patrons’ and her fellow waiters’ and waitress’ way, though she couldn’t escape being bumped once or twice. As she worked, there was a constant blush in her cheeks, mainly because of the length of her dress only going as far as her knees to show her tanned legs. Her shoes tapped the wooden floor, making a soft sound that none of the patrons’ e...
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Reviews
There's an interesting plot line to this story. There are some things I found wrong, though. There were mainly spelling errors and maybe a grammar error here or there, but in the beginning was where I saw the biggest problems. Some sentences were worded oddly. "He heard a voice calling and went to the edge of the lake then across it, walking upon submerged portions of the ruined city." There should be a comma before then or the sentence should be reworded. Once the few mistakes are taken care...
Personally, I can't see any possibility behind this plotline. It was original. I can give you this much, but I doubt any self respecting priest would ever let something like this happen in his church. However, it is none of my business whether you write this or not so long as you enjoy doing it. The main issue, as far as I could see through the grammar was that you mispelled organization. Other than that, the story was well written except for several instances in the very beginning where the ...
I've never seen something of this nature before. It was quite refreshing. I assume the building time wasn't meant to be realistic, so I won't comment on that. It would be nice for a little more description of the Giant's house, both exterior and interior. Aside from that, it was quite enjoyable for the age group I imagined would be reading it.
This was definately an interesting read. It made sense as to why she killed herself in the end. If she hadn't I would have been surprised just from the way you spoke about her. "The school realized my “potential” something my dad never saw and they moved me up to fourth grade." There weren't too many noticeable grammar mistakes, but these are what I found. There should be commas after "potential" and saw for starters. "Pickpocketing allowing me to buy my clothing for my future." This is techn...
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