I love the content and the sentiment. That is what real 'poetry' is supposed to be about - STICKIN IT TO THE MAN! But seriously, this piece definitely reflects what you're feeling and is straight-forward and complete in its sketching of the pain-in-the-ass tribulations of day to day life. The 'Daily entry' format suits the material well, adding the rythm that drives in the mundane redundance of work-a-day life. The only thing I would suggest is to try and give it a little more of a beat in th...

I like the way that the 'classic'/natural imagery gives way to the modern. I also really like the lines "Breath underwater Floating upwards into air" very concise mental picture, without being completely obvious. I won't comment on the format, since you weren't able to present it the way you wanted. But the verse itself is good and the content and intent put forward fairly clearly.

Santana and the Beach Boys. I can feel it in the words. On first reading this I was immediately thinking of Neil Young (circa "Harvest Moon"), which adds another layer of Canadiana to this snappy number. This is a wonderful, vibrating and tactile poem. It is very much alive, just like the city you are writing about. That dragon simile will be forever wedged into my memory alongside rememberances of summers in TO as a kid. I do have to agree with many of the other reviewers regarding the end o...

Nice imagery. You paint the picture very well. I worked in a similar setup and felt the same way, physically and emotionally removed from the people around me, aside from the most tenuous connections, like the drumming. The only criticisms I would make are that you have some clunky phrases in the first part - "If the stall is occupied, I then curse those same gods, or I say simply “The turd gods are frowning on me.”" it loses the loose rythm of the first couple of sentences and seems forced. ...

I really like this poem. Your ability to reproduce this moment and layer it with physical, mental and emotional sensation. In the second stanza there seems to be a very loose rhyme scheme, which makes that section contrast with the other two. I might also suggest that you split that stanza to create a new one starting with "To just burn away" and give that section more impact. Also, the phrase "light year long destination" is a little clunky. It breaks the tempo of the poem right where you ne...

This is certainly an interesting premise, and you definitely have a knack for military jargon and dialogue. The characters feel flat, probably due to the frantic pace of the action and lack of character revelation. Almost all of your content is action/dialogue, there is very little description and very little character emotion revealed. Some of the sections, particularily the meeting with the dignitaries, are completely devoid of descriptive passages. We get names and dialogue only, which mak...

From AMC and I quote: "Martin Scorsese Martin Scorsese has deservedly earned a reputation as one of the leading filmmakers of his generation. He has a style all his own, and can be mentioned in the same breath with directors such as Woody Allen when talking about artists who have helped clearly define the image of New York City on-screen. Growing up in the tough downtown neighborhood of New York's Little Italy would help Scorsese later on in his career, as he would draw on these experiences t...

This is a nice tidy little picture. I like it. And I think we've all been in Martin's shoes, in one way or another, at some point in our lives. There's a lot of good descriotion and the conversational tone of the letter fits perfectly, the use of the cat food and the Chinese restaurant really lend it an air of authenticity. Really, the only thing I would point out is in the 'denoument', where he gets a beer from the refrigerator - You end a sentence with the word 'beer', and then end the next...

Wow. No beating around the bush there. Very nice. You set the scene very well, then get to the meat of the story. For, while it is a poem, it is also telling a tale. I especially enjoyed the last three stanzas that really color the piece with indignation. I only have one question - 'peak' in the 6th stanza - is that a typo on 'peek' or is that a choice double entendre? I'm assuming the latter and giving this a 9.

I get the idea, that this is all happening in a virtual world, inside of a game, but that's a very plot scenario. What you've got here is simply a single popcorn movie action scene. Your dialogue flows very well and is character specific. You really have a good handle on how people speak naturally and how they use slang and jargon to abbreviate coversation. Your descriptive passages are also fairly good, especially for as little as is written here. You really pack the description into as tigh...