AProphetForHope's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 06
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 06
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Items
Version 3
6 Reviews
17 Comments
The pillar of smoke climbed ever skyward, far beyond the shattered remains of London’s docklands. Donovan’s knees went weak at sight of it; all those people, just gone. He gripped the railing at the edge of the roof top tighter through the thick fibreglass gloves to steady himself. The heavy bulk of the sealant suit and its backpack mounted CO2 collector threatened to drag him to the floor, or was it just the sight of it?: the third town the Americans had hit in just over a week. ...
Version 2
6 Reviews
11 Comments
Beyond the empty window frames of the ruined face of the experimental biology building, a great column of smoke climbed toward the atmosphere.Wow. They really did it thought Donovan. He gripped the railing tighter to stop himself from falling down. Amidst the shattered remains of London’s docklands, between its battered skyscrapers and crumbling infrastructure, way beyond the deep channel of thick green ooze that had once been the Thames, a towering mushroom-shaped cloud loomed. Backed ...
Version 1
16 Reviews
6 Comments
Build a world... forsake this one?
Version 1
6 Reviews
8 Comments
They said I was a peace maker. Huh, what did they know? I was seven years old when I first killed a man. I could tell you that William made me do it and I wouldn’t be lyin’ none. But the truth is I killed him because it’s what I do. XXX “Hey Kid. That’s right am a talkin’ a you! Don’chu walk away from me boy.” Frank wasn’t always an asshole, but he was an outright bastard to William. There was jus’ no point in trying to talk the ol’ man out of it. So I just kept quiet. “What’s it gonna be kid...
Version 10
9 Reviews
4 Comments
Through the fusillade of rain, the lifeless form in the alleyway drew his eyes magnetically. Two large ravens postured on top of it. Wings outstretched, they defended their claim. It was clearly too late to help. The once lilac dress and pretty white bonnet appeared grubby but dry, thanks to the overlapping roofs above. He wasn’t far from home, and this was his route to work. Perhaps he would recognise her up close. Gingerly, Campbell began to move closer. A curtain of dark hair had escaped t...
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Reviews
"The young woman lookeddown" - split up. "He coughed. “You’re really going to Ipswich?”" I think you're trying to point to the fact that he is talking but dialogue starts on a new line unless it's continuing on from another linked section. This error here elutes from the fact that you have no POV yet. Who is your character? "“That’s my alma mater you know?” He coughed again- productively." - alma mater?? huh? That's my is Alma her name? If so she needs capitalising. Coughed productively? As i...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
"of a large man on a dark steed" dark steed sounds contrived. A black horse would do just as well and bear all the kinds of gloom you want. "It takes me a moment to realize she's nothing but a head" don't tell me that you realised. Show me the realisation. This is first person so you can go through the momentary analysis of the face, transition to the hair and stop when you realise she has no shoulders. Just a head. Show don't tell. "fate will too come briefly," a bit odd but I think "my fate...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I'd rearrange the start sequence of thoughts and place cold further up as I think that's what you'd get first. just my opinion though. "the woman called down to her daughter." - I don't think you need to specify. It was obvious enough to me. :) " She turned back into " - she need qualifying though. Not sure which she you mean here at first. "laid out the the the pots" - duplicate. "with a steadfast gaze filled with love and understanding" you're almost in her POV so you can't really tell me w...
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