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77sunset's profile 
AGE:
58
LOC: Red Bluff, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 26
LOC: Red Bluff, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 26
I’ve been bouncing all over the place for the last 40 years or so since I got beat up at the Democratic Convention in ‘68, watched my friends get mowed down at Kent State in ‘70 and fried my brain at all the festivals I went to after that. Joined the Coast Guard, got straight, went to school, got a degree and have been married to the same woman for the last 25 years with three grown kids who keep coming back home. Had a streak of more than 500 magazine and newspaper articles years back and now I’m concentrating on writing fiction. I enjoy the interplay between reader and writer, i.e., the reader creates the story even more than the writer could ever imagine. Have written five books and hope they will be published someday. Well, one has b…
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Sarah’s Journey By John T. Allen When the time is right the frigid winter winds come roaring down from the Northwest, from the Arctic Circle, gathering roiling momentum across the vast, treeless tundra of superior Canada. Winter circles around, adding bitter snow and icy sleet into the mixture, swirling past the frozen Great Lakes before settling into New England. From Maine to New York winter demands attention and respect. Like a Bengal Tiger met on a jungle path, master of the domain,...
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The New Donner Party By John T. Allen Saturday, December 18th “It’s party time ladies and gentlemen,” said Lowell Donavan, smiling, laughing, waving to people he supposedly knew (but didn’t) across the room, acting like he was having the time of his life while trying to get some attention from the passing stream of tourists at Corrigan's Hotel & Casino in Lake Tahoe. He was in the lobby, the crossroads for people on their way to and from the 100,000 square foot Luc...
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-2- Lou was on the road before 7:30 the next morning. He=d stopped at a Burger King and had gotten a coffee and ham and egg sandwich from the drive-through and now he was cruising down Highway 101 south away from town. The scenery changed from coastal to primeval forest in a matter of minutes. This was the big forest, the California redwoods forest, and he loved it. The trees were one of the reasons he=d moved there after he got out of the Merchant. The sky was gray and overcast and a light r...
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Hope & The Resurrection of Jack Evans By John T. Allen The black asphalt highway ran straight down the middle of the desert valley floor, artificially dividing the bleak landscape into two equal parts of desolation. Rusty red mesquite ironwood bushes and bright green Saguaro cactus broke the lonely monotony of the Arizona sands. The low slung mesas in the distance had a reddish tint from the iron ore deposits that dated back millions of years to the Pleistocene Era. Then, the area was the bot...
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Well done for a person as young as you state. There are numerous small problems with the grammar, punctuation, sentence run-ons and the like but nothing that any good editor couldn't polish up. You kept the tension high which is important, especially in the beginning of the piece. Many stories are remembered for the first sentence and I would go back over your first sentence and make it less unremarkable. The King was furious! is just one of a thousand examples. All in all, I think you have a...
If you are 13 you're a really good writer for that age. I won't go over any of the grammar, spelling and punctuation since a good editor will catch that. The story is what's important anyway; and a good action/adventure story needs tension to keep it going. Do you know some authors spend hours writing their first sentence. Some stories are so revered that people still remember the first line word for word. Make your first sentence memorable. Also, start off with something exciting or action p...
I'm sure this will turn out to be a fine book by the time you're finished with it. You're a good writer and will get better with time. I don't know that much technically about writing but I've had more than 500 articles published so I must be doing something right. So here are some tips: I personally don't like one short sentence after another. If there is any way to combine two into one I'd say do it. It keeps the story moving along without the reader having to break, which is what the perio...
I think you did a fantastic job for a first draft. The tension and suspense was just enought to keep my attention, although there were a few points where it dragged a little. I'd take everything out about her department and partner problems and save that for her to be thinking about while she's doing the paperwork she so despises. That would be a kind of "denouement" I think it's called (a part where the action slows down or a period of explanation). Do you like the name Tya? It's OK but mayb...
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