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420BC's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: Marietta, GA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 09
LOC: Marietta, GA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 09
I always get this question wrong. Of all the unexplained phenomena of the universe, I find myself to be the most futile.
Items
Version 1
19 Reviews
8 Comments
Precious grains of the hourglass wash, from somber stony faces. Stories of what have, lost, in the sediment. Pieces, of churning particulate, dance, in the waters at my feet.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
12 Reviews
13 Comments
Welcome to the Evil Empire, Check your humanity at the door. Take a number, have a seat, While you wait, here’s T.V. Don’t mind the lullaby, here to help you sleep, The nightmare you see is only in your dreams. Don’t get up; you’re loved too much to suffer, And you might slip, on the blood of your brother. We’ll wipe your ass, And treat your diaper rash, And recycle your shit into sound bite facts. Fear not, the howling you hear outside these walls This house of cards will never fall, Penetra...
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Reviews
I like the content. I like it that the content is clear and easy to understand. There are some flow issues. With the style you have chosen, rhyme and meter become very important. Line 4 sticks out the worst. It breaks up the rhythm and rhyme, but the poem keeps going as if the break was not intended. The other lines lack a consistent meter to hold them together.
Nice job. I like all the imagery, but it leaves me a little baffled. The piece was so abstract, the reader is left with nothing but a bunch of metaphor that makes little sense. I can't say I don't like it, I just don't understand it.
Cool. Very depressing. Excellent description. Actually flowed pretty nicely. Great word choice. Great job.
Good job. The image is not real strong, but as I put it together with the content, I think of a memorial cemetery. Definitely prefer the first version. Would not change a thing.
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