1DamagedIndividual's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: Chattanooga, TN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 15
LOC: Chattanooga, TN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 15
A wannabe writer living the life in Chattanooga.
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Say It By: Bryce Lee Wynn Light from the street lamp outside sliced through the slats of the bedroom blinds, casting an ethereal glow across the pale, naked form. It flooded every nook, corner, and crevice, spreading across the desk, the pencil, the opened notebook, the chair, the dirty tube sock accented in blue, the soiled, checked boxers, the bed, the body, the man. Stony eyes, a hint of life in their glazed-over irises, stared pass the blinds, the window, the layer of frost, and out into ...
Version 1
10 Reviews
0 Comments
Baby It’s You He doesn’t have the heart to ask for it back. Even now, after everything that’s gone on, she has it pulled around her small frame, its well-worn, brown leather cracking in places. The name Cue-Ball is stitched in white across the back. His brother, Griffin, like so many other American boys, had been drafted in ’72. He remembers seeing Griffin loading one of those buses, his hair buzzed to the scalp – like a cue ball. That was the last time he’d seen him – they communicated throu...
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Reviews
I felt a little bit mislead with this. Maybe it will come later but I expected for the main character to discover that he has some sort of magical or supernatural power. What I got was this constant deferral. It was kind of annoying. There was too much time spent on bikes and lunchmeat. I wanted some sort of action or conflict but there wasn't any. Overall, well-written but still needs some work.
I really enjoyed reading this. Short, sweet, right to the point. I liked how you gave so much in so little time. I did have trouble seeing the characters. I would have liked some physical descriptions, especially of the main character.
I really dug this piece. It was very well-written, words were deliberate and well-chosen. It does seem like its apart of something bigger. Maybe you should consider that.
The first couple of paragraphs read extremely cliche. If you plan on expanding on this, I would definitely flesh this out and make it new.
Honestly, I was really confused by this story. It seemed random at points but it did engage my attention. I wanted to see more character description because the characters all blurred into one for me and I had a hard time distinguishing between them.
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